I just came back from a voice lesson in which I couldn't sing, everytime I opened my mouth I just started crying, which for those of you who have tried singing does not happen when you are crying, so I'm going back tomorrow to try again.
The thing is that on the superficial level it should not have happened; myu teacher had just chastised me for not being prepared for an audition that he had been the adjudicator for the evening before. It was for the soprano solo in the Brahms German requim. In my defense it's not right for my voice, and I've been super busy with grad school prep and these things called classes, none-the-less he was completely right and I should have simply not auditioned rather than walk in only moderately prepared. The problem is that I have become really lax about these things because no-matter my preperation, I will get solos here because I have more training and commitment to singing than most people at this institution.
Anyhow, what was something that I could normally have just dealt with (because he was right and I knew it) just made it impossible for me to do anything. Why?
Well, my grandfather died about a year ago and that has been on my mind alot. I was lucky enough to have a really great relationship with him, he was such a kind and wise person...though not outdoor savy (he once told us to not bother trimming the lower branches of a tree because they would just grow up with the tree and not be as close to the ground in time) HOwever I'm not sure if this is it.
This is a very emotionally taxing institution to attend, there are no peaks and troughs in work load or intensity, you essentially have 10 weeks of grind. Perhaps I'm feeling the strain of not haveing my best friend here this year (though for all practical purposes it has not been an issue). It makes a difference if you don't have the person who you rely upon for the most immediat support not be there.
Also I think I've gotten to a place where I am just not emotionally invested in academia in the same way. I had such an amazing vocal coaching earlier this week, I'm working so much in choirs and practicing, that I'm just ready for this to be my life, but I have the more immediate pressures of classes.
Anyhow a reveiw of the Lyric Opera's Iphigenie en Tauride is forth coming.
Closing the door, leaving the lights on
4 years ago