losing focus

It's funny how you can be so focused on something that you lose sight of what is ultimately important to you.

I have (understandably) been really focused on finding a full time job for this coming year. As such I've been thinking about applying to things, gaining experience and what I'm interested in doing. All of this has been rather consuming, and I hadn't really noticed it until today.

I was sitting in the library scanning microfilm of Rossini Overtures and listening to WFMT to keep from scanner insanity. While doing this I started thinking about listening to music and writing about music and performing music, and then what summer programs I had done in the past and what summer programs I should apply for next year. I became very immersed in these thoughts, and I was engaged and left my thoughtdome happy.

These are the plans that I'm actually interested in laying, these are the things that I'm actually interested in doing. Thinking about how I can swing it to be a Graduate Student at Large at Roosevelt such that I can take advantage of lessons and such there. Now the whole figuring out how to be an independent adult is really quite nice, but creating those plans don't involve my dreams.

Every once and a while I regret that I did not make auditions for the Lyric Opera Chorus work. Because then I would have a job that I am interested in. However that is entirely pipe dreams because there is no reason that they would have accepted me (that's not a judgement call on my talent, but rather, sopranos are a large bunch and once people get into the Lyric Opera Chorus they tend not to leave, so there would probably simply not be a place for me to fill. But had I auditioned and been rejected there would be no lingering doubt.

Now its about finding something that excites me and trying to find a stimulating work place.

Harry Potter

I find myself facing a dilemma:
I like to read the Harry Potter books fairly slowly enjoying them.
However I fear someone telling me what happens.
Now I don't fear someone I know telling me because I can summarily kick their inconsiderate butt, but rather I'm concerned about the chance encounter. The trouble is that everyone and their mother reads this book. (literally)
So I fear walking down the street and overhearing someone talking about it with a friend.
So do I just read it fast negating this possibility? or do I read it at a tempo which brings me joy?
(note: fast would be reading it all in the next two days, slow would be giving myself a week to read it)
Anyhow happy reading everyone...
except Ted, I know you hate the series, for reasons that probably aren't as sound as you think they are. (I don't know why I'm addressing him personally I don't think he reads this)

movies and music

I was recently discussing with a friend of mine, my dislike in general of re-watching movies. I don't hate it, but in general, I've seen it once and I have a really good memory for conversation in real life and this tends to extend to movies. Duff once argued that I therefore watch movies only for plot and not for the other aesthetic values, which may be true. But I definitely prefer a beautiful movie to a bland one. I also like thinking about why and how film has been done a certain may. However what really sells me on a movie is pithy dialog and fantastic acting. So I'm pretty sure that I would watch Philadelphia Story again.

However I was discussing this with my buddy C. and he pointed out that I listen to music more than once, even though I "know what it sounds like" and I even visit the Art Institute and I do "visit" certain favorite paintings (see above).

So I re-visit the aural and the visual, the temporal and the static, what could it be about movies that I really don't like re-watching them? I think that it really has to do with the conversation aspect. I watch human interaction fairly intensely and it seems false if I see it in the exact same way twice. Because even if we feel the same exact emotion twice, we do not express in the exact same way twice.

However in re-watching a film this is patently unavoidable.

It's sort of like how I get a real kick out of the fact that there are certain stories that I've heard people tell over and over. Most people never tell them the same way twice, however once and a while you'll meet someone who tells a story the exact same way every time they tell it. Same words and everything. I really enjoy that. I remember people's words fairly well and it's really interesting when I hear them re-use them.

dinner!

cooking and baking are two activities that bring me incredible joy. I also happen to be fairly good at it, I can intuitively tell what's going to work and what won't. Of course the fact that it is intuitive to me makes it hard for me to understand that it might be difficult for other people to cook...I don't have to practice at most food related things, it turns out tasty the first time.

My intuition for cooking is entirely thanks to my parents. My father (or mother)come home virtually every night and make a sit down dinner, And we all sit down and eat, even if someone is out for the evening the remaining 2 or 3 sit down for dinner, and yes! we even talk! No small part of this is derived from the fact that my parents really enjoy cooking. I really don't know if it was a calculated "family" decision on their part to always have us sit down together or what was only reasonable in their minds 'I spent the time to make this tasty dinner, so we're all going to sit down and enjoy it together.'

This is something that I try to do in my own life, it is however very hard to want to do this all by yourself. That's why having a roommate who also appreciates food is so wonderful for me. When I was living "alone" in a dorm I would always invite someone else to eat with me. Partially because I find it difficult to calculate how to cook for just one person, and partially because food is such a communal activity for me, at least dinner is. Don't talk to me at breakfast...I'm busy reading the comics and the headlines. Lunch can be social, but so frequently for me it is eaten while moving from one activity to the next.

I really love cooking, but I probably enjoy baking more. Yes, I have a huge sweet tooth, I also like the parameters in which you must mess around. I love trying new things but I also like knowing in baking that certain things have to be a certain way in order for the chemistry to work. I love seeing the difference with butter or margarine (sometimes trans fats are really helpful in baking) what happens if I replace shortening with peanut butter? Another big reason that I love baking is that there is no icky raw meat to deal with. Actually I don't mind raw beef or pork or lamb (M just realized the other day through my explanation of a dream in which there was a 'baby sheep'...wait silly embly...we have a word for baby sheep it's lamb...that lamb is not just the meat word for sheep, but rather than lamb is, baby sheep and mutton is in fact the meat form of sheep...she thought mutton was another animal entirely, I think she was a little bothered by this) What I really mind is raw chicken. I find it really disgusting.

any how if I invite you to dinner you should come. I will come back to the topic of music I promise.