Sunday, April 30, 2006


so you can't forgive someone until you can figure out why they have hurt you or how. But sometimes it is equally surprising to find out that you've been hurt. how much of other peoples actions are something that actually slowly eat away at your patience or make you feel less valued as a whole?
and how do you change that in a positive way. You can't just go up to a friend and tell that that they way that they are hurts you, you have to track it down to an identifiable behavior. And what do you say then. 'You two have been my friends for three years and I feel like you don't value me or need me any more' 'Your vocal relationship ( perhaps self ritious approach to conversation about god would be a better descriptor) with god makes me feel undervalued as a person' 'your obsession with the future makes me despair about the present' 'Please include me/us in your lives again'. These are things that you want to say to someone, but would be devestating to say, and would probably make things worse. especially since these are people who I value being near me.
Or at least I did. Have we changed so much over three years? am I stuck in the past unwilling to forge ahead? I don't think that either thing is true. I also thought that I had gotten over being hurt by others self ritiousness, but clearly not.
So I'm not angry at anyone, just sad and hurt that I'm not important in their lives anymore.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Em, I wish I was there so I could help... or maybe just be there with you, i don't know how good I am at helping. Sometimes I feel that compared the people that I know now, who I've spent the last three years with, and even the friends I have only know for a year but still consider close, though we have hardly seen each other in that span of time, I still feel that you know me best. If you are still that important to my life, though I can't speak for them, Im sure that you still have a place in their lives. I hope your spirits pick up a bit. I know there's a lot right now, with trying to make our futures work... sometimes I just want to kick it and see if life will just fix itself.... but you know the moment we give up hope of ever the possibility, the moment we fail. So I know you can do this, cause you are not one to give up... seriously myst... played that way past the point where we didn't know what we were doing... so it's the same right... we aren't sure where we're headed but we are damn sure to keep on trying. Much love from this side of the world. Sarah