ahhh!

reading period is upon us. I have so much to write, I just don't know if I'm up to it.
no
of course I am.
I am embly, the great and mighty wielder of the sometimes non-linear pen!

so I'm writing a paper on Gretchen am Spinnrade. It's actually pretty interesting and I'm enjoying it. That paper should be totally ok for next week.

However. the Galileo paper that I need to write. not so much. and the professor has said that it doesn't matter when we hand it in. this = super big problem, because the urgency to get it done is no lnger there, but I don't want to think about it come vacation and spring quarter. I don't need it hanging over my head.

any way. I am also freaking out about what I'm going to do with my life. But that doesn't matter, not right now at least as I have more important freaking out to do.

any way, I leave you with some angst, as really that is what the internet is made of:

My soul seems to be collecting itself. It now hovers around my head, like a swarm of gnats waiting to bite my face. I will try to collect it and make it perform it’s daily duties. I think in time it will learn to love. It merely needs that chance. I will now ball it up and place it inside me, somewhere where I can find it. And if the moment arises I will be able to use it. And maybe, just maybe it will have the wherewith all to know what to do. Be gentle when needed, and swarm with the fury of screaming bats when my body needs it’s defense. For now I will keep it as safe as possible. Perhaps it will return the favor.


um and while I'm at it, why not something preachy:

The man seeking truth will not be able to settle for the complicated nature of the factual world. The factual world of science is left far too much to interpretation, experimental findings all are assigned value depending upon what the experimenter is expecting. This shows that fact is subjective and dependent upon human interpretation. What one must be most careful with when declaring that a fact is truth, is using scientific induction to generalize from the specific. Fact must be fallible or falsifiable, where this should not be the case with truth. Another thing we must be careful with when assigning ideas the terms fact or truth is how much they will be questioned. If we allow fact to have the same gravity as truth then it will not be questioned. The basis of science is its questioning nature, previous theories must be found inaccurate in order for science to progress. The progress of science is what make man a fascinating creature, but one must sacrifice pride of the absolute simple universal truth in order to begin to understand the world around us. Scientific fact can teach us much about the world, but one must not confuse fact and theory with the truth.

trouble singing opera

Of late there have been articles expressing the inadequacy of opera training and performance in the United States.
The conservatory is churning out cookie cutter small light voices that fizzle out in a few years singing on the stage and then they meet obscurity. Opera companies also are not taking the time to "invest" in bigger voices that take more time to mature.
I'm not being particularly articulate about this right now, but essentially these articles make me feel justified in my decision to attend a liberal arts/research university rather than conservatory for my undergraduate work.
so that begs the question: what the heck do I do for my graduate work?
Do I continue doing theory and musicolgy and study voice on the side?
Do I go for vocal performance despite the negetive rap everything's getting right now?
Ultimately what I want to do is sing opera. It's just what I want to do. Teaching theory and researching, while enjoywable is truely second choice for me right now.
There are plenty of stories of people who make it as opera singers after years of doing somehting else...do I want to be that person. I feel like despite the dangers of singing too much at a younger age, that I would have the energy for performance earlier, and want to do things like have a family and perform less later.
That said I have been told that you really shouldn't bank on even starting to pursue a career in any seriousness before the age of 25. At the youngest. So. What do I do for the next five to eight years of my life? Start pursueing voice seriously, and work small things until perhaps something happens later? Work at other aspects of music while taking lessons and...biding my time?
Really I wish there was someone that had real advice, because everything that I've done up to this point has been my own research and intuition. yes. Ultimately you have to depend entirely upon yourself, because no one's going to get things done for you. But I wish that I had more than my head and afew words here and there from others.
I guess that's the problem with going to a big research university, no one knows anything about music performance.