ahhh!

reading period is upon us. I have so much to write, I just don't know if I'm up to it.
no
of course I am.
I am embly, the great and mighty wielder of the sometimes non-linear pen!

so I'm writing a paper on Gretchen am Spinnrade. It's actually pretty interesting and I'm enjoying it. That paper should be totally ok for next week.

However. the Galileo paper that I need to write. not so much. and the professor has said that it doesn't matter when we hand it in. this = super big problem, because the urgency to get it done is no lnger there, but I don't want to think about it come vacation and spring quarter. I don't need it hanging over my head.

any way. I am also freaking out about what I'm going to do with my life. But that doesn't matter, not right now at least as I have more important freaking out to do.

any way, I leave you with some angst, as really that is what the internet is made of:

My soul seems to be collecting itself. It now hovers around my head, like a swarm of gnats waiting to bite my face. I will try to collect it and make it perform it’s daily duties. I think in time it will learn to love. It merely needs that chance. I will now ball it up and place it inside me, somewhere where I can find it. And if the moment arises I will be able to use it. And maybe, just maybe it will have the wherewith all to know what to do. Be gentle when needed, and swarm with the fury of screaming bats when my body needs it’s defense. For now I will keep it as safe as possible. Perhaps it will return the favor.


um and while I'm at it, why not something preachy:

The man seeking truth will not be able to settle for the complicated nature of the factual world. The factual world of science is left far too much to interpretation, experimental findings all are assigned value depending upon what the experimenter is expecting. This shows that fact is subjective and dependent upon human interpretation. What one must be most careful with when declaring that a fact is truth, is using scientific induction to generalize from the specific. Fact must be fallible or falsifiable, where this should not be the case with truth. Another thing we must be careful with when assigning ideas the terms fact or truth is how much they will be questioned. If we allow fact to have the same gravity as truth then it will not be questioned. The basis of science is its questioning nature, previous theories must be found inaccurate in order for science to progress. The progress of science is what make man a fascinating creature, but one must sacrifice pride of the absolute simple universal truth in order to begin to understand the world around us. Scientific fact can teach us much about the world, but one must not confuse fact and theory with the truth.

trouble singing opera

Of late there have been articles expressing the inadequacy of opera training and performance in the United States.
The conservatory is churning out cookie cutter small light voices that fizzle out in a few years singing on the stage and then they meet obscurity. Opera companies also are not taking the time to "invest" in bigger voices that take more time to mature.
I'm not being particularly articulate about this right now, but essentially these articles make me feel justified in my decision to attend a liberal arts/research university rather than conservatory for my undergraduate work.
so that begs the question: what the heck do I do for my graduate work?
Do I continue doing theory and musicolgy and study voice on the side?
Do I go for vocal performance despite the negetive rap everything's getting right now?
Ultimately what I want to do is sing opera. It's just what I want to do. Teaching theory and researching, while enjoywable is truely second choice for me right now.
There are plenty of stories of people who make it as opera singers after years of doing somehting else...do I want to be that person. I feel like despite the dangers of singing too much at a younger age, that I would have the energy for performance earlier, and want to do things like have a family and perform less later.
That said I have been told that you really shouldn't bank on even starting to pursue a career in any seriousness before the age of 25. At the youngest. So. What do I do for the next five to eight years of my life? Start pursueing voice seriously, and work small things until perhaps something happens later? Work at other aspects of music while taking lessons and...biding my time?
Really I wish there was someone that had real advice, because everything that I've done up to this point has been my own research and intuition. yes. Ultimately you have to depend entirely upon yourself, because no one's going to get things done for you. But I wish that I had more than my head and afew words here and there from others.
I guess that's the problem with going to a big research university, no one knows anything about music performance.

performance anxiety

If performance is an activity that causes such anxious and negative feelings in many musicians, then why do they perform? Does it stem from a love of music and the desire to share music? How much of the desire to perform is developed from the rush of positive feelings that an individual. so do people perform the way some runners run to get a high?

I would contend no, but then I might disagree with myself.

trying again

ok...maybe this time?
totally!...yes that is indeed me. I happen to have maybe this and one other picture of myself on my computer.
so posting pictures is indeed something I can do.


some thoughts about schumann:

There seem to be two contrasting themes in Schumann’s Mein Wagen rollet langsam. The music seems to make a commentary first on the condition of the outside world, and the second acts as a commentary on the internal world of the wagon’s rider. The rider’s thoughts just drop in suddenly but not in a brash manner. The third time the voice enters through the piano there is a combination of the internal world forcing itself upon the outer world, though perhaps the opposite is more likely.

Upon first listening I did not think that the music accompanying the riders thought about his beloved were appropriate. It was almost abrupt in nature, no lingering sentiments, merely points of thought. However upon further contemplation this may in fact be less brash than I thought....in the end it turned out to be the recording that I was listening to. the particular performance gave it that discontenuity.

THis could lead way to an interesting discussion about music and performance and how the are, or are not, or should be related.

but I have astrophysics calling my name.......come figure out maximum emissions for sunspots...

test run I guess

This was a test to see if I could get my blog to publish pictures. however all I see is a sea of pixilated gray. oh well if you can see it, it is a scanned copy of my father's old dorm t-shit, we have essentially copied it for out t-shirt this year...pretty cool yes?



EDIT: so you can see the picture there really small in the top left corner....the rest is just garbage...I'll see what I can do later

racism

recent events my dorm have gotten me thinking about racism. Namely how we define it.

The University has recently come to terms with a sort of latent racism that is on campus, now when I say latent what I mean is that it is something that we're not even aware that we have, but we think that it's ok because we don't display outward signs of hate. The real trouble begins when we think that racism, or any other sort of intolerance be it religious, sexual orientation etc, doesn't happen any more, that we don't have to concern ourselves with it. To think that we are done with a subject because we've dealt with it before and "learned" that it is bad.

anyhow there were some anti-semetic and racist remarks posted on a white board in my dorm. Housing and University takes this sort of thing very seriously, there has been dialogue in the dorm, and ultimatly as a result the person who wrote it has been kicked out of houseing, and the person who's white board it was, and knew who had done has been kicked out of this particular dorm.

There are many people who think that The University is just using this incedent to make an example of these student...well of course they are. but this brings me to the point, the jewish roomate of the person who's board this is on, is not offended and is trying to have these people "saved".

so when is it racism? when can we define something as racism? Is it only racism if it offends the person or people that it was directed towards? or is it racism as soon as someone thinks that it might offend someone. At which point does this person have the right to tell the effected party that they ought to be offended and do something about it?

we are in a funny time when we think that we have dealt with these sorts of issues, yet are hyper sensitive to them. Is it better to just not be offended and move on, or is it better to be pro-active and stamp this sort of thing out where ever we think it might exist?

I suppose it just tells us that whilst living in a pluralistic society it is not going to be possible to create a sweeping paradigm that works for everyone.

farce

I may be a slightly moody person, that does not make my inderstanding of the world invalid.

firstly all misspellings should not make individuals assume I am an angsty 14 year old, I'm not, I'm just dyslexic and have difficulty with letters.

secondly, I am probably less superficial than this blog will make me seem, really this is a space for me to explode into the vast nothingness that is the internet, perhaps I will tell people I actually know about this blog, but perhaps not.

thirdly there people far more clever than I am who you ought to read blogs of before mine. That said if you want to comment on my passivity (as has been commented on a past blog of mine) please feel free to, but leave a venue for dialogue rather than remaining completely anonymous. This of course doesn't mean I am looking for an address.

ok

I am currently thinking about Fraz Schubert's Erlkoning and how one might create a conceptual integrattion network between the music and a horse and rider. Conceptual Integration Networks are an idea created by the linguistGilles FAuconnier to assist the way that we understand conceptual blending. An example of conceptual blending is Eeyore from Winnie-The-Pooh. talking donkey....they don't really exist...so we use our powers of conceptual blending to make it work. input donkey, input human traits from this you get Eeyore space and generic space, we're not so interested in the generic space.

anyhow, how might one do this for Erlkoning?

this is a vocal piece with continuous pulsing triplets in the right hand and sort of traveling motions in the left hand, ascending by step and then descending by skip. It is reletively simple harmonically except for that we run across i6/4's a bit too much. we know that i6/4's don't exist right? so how are they functioning here? and do they help me map from music space to horse space?

I say nay....

In other news I sang mass at St. John Cantius up on Chicago today. That is one rich congregation...so maybe that's not fair, but everyone seemed quite well-to-do. Isn't it interesting that we choose to worship with individuals not only of our same faith (obviousely) but also of the same socio-economic standing? I don't have anything really negative to say about this because I have no thought that it could necessarily be different, though it might establish an interesting dialogue.

It is a really beautiful church, large ornate, smelling of wonderful incense. they do most of their services in Latin there, except the homily because I assume they recognize vatican two. I say the venacular is a good thing!

I have to write a cover letter for othe opera music theater, and make a recording for Blue Lakes Fine Arts camp. I need to prepare an audition for the concerto competition, and make sure that I have a spot for the mid-february recital. I must go to the library to get the book on hold so that I can write my review of it. I need to grasp Galileo's assayer so that I can get 15 pages of goodness out of my brain. and I probably should make my self go to the second half of tap class.