cyclic song

all Fached up

2009-09-18T11:13:00.002-05:00

So I knew that coming to conservatory would bring a whole number of interesting changes. Size of fish and ponds, type of studies, whatever. But I was not particularly expecting a major fach change.

I went to my first lesson, which was after a sing in for my studio class (we all sang for each other, it was nice!). We sat down and basically the first thing that he said to me was that all of my repertoire was wrong and that we had to choose all new. His point was that my voice was just too big to be singing the rep that I sing.

You have to realize, that I still operate under the impression that I am a small voice. But the last year and a half has brought a lot of changes to my voice.

I have been singing this character (which I love, also yay bizarre staging!), but if I'm singing that, the "smaller" of the two soprano roles, who is going to sing this role, the supposed bigger. The answer is apparently no one.

so I have to stop thinking of myself as Zerlina, and start thinking of myself as Donna Anna.
Super hard, because the roles that I had been doing are teasing coquettish sort of roles, and the roles that I'm headed into are more tragic types of roles. Not something that I relate to quite so well.

great day!

2009-09-16T21:34:00.002-05:00

I had an amazing excellent day!

I had an interview for an awesome job, and they called me with in less than an hour to offer it to me! I'm going to be working for a really neat radio show that features super talented kids! I'll tell you about it if you want to know more.

Then my studio class had a sing in (where everyone who studies with my teacher sings for each other) and I thought that I was going to sing like crap because I hadn't warmed up, but then I ate part of an apple and sang quite well!

Apples are magic!

The only "bad" thing about my day is that my calves hurt all day. But it's for a good reason! I'm changing my running style to be completely toe striking from heel striking. I have done this before, but I had fallen out of the habit. Anyhow that means that my calves are getting all sorts of new muscle attention.

I thought I'd document my good day so I don't forget, and can remind myself on not so good days that sometimes days can be super awesome!

new time and place

2009-09-11T20:16:00.003-05:00

I thought that maybe when I moved away from everyone I would fall back into the habit of blogging as a way of keeping. Thus far this has not proven to be the case.

I do want to go back to the goals that I made on my birthday last year. They've been on my side bar all year. So I'm going to see how I did. I will make new goals for this year, but I don't think that I have it all figured out yet, so that may have to be a future post.

1. Be in at least one production

Yes! I was Mabel in Pirates of Penzance! fun!

2. Apply and get into summer program

I did apply and get waitlisted, but I did go to Egypt to visit Lisy. This is a goal for next year now.

3. Win a competition

I did not win a competition, but I did win money in a competition

4. Apply and get into Grad school

Yes! Totally accomplished! In Grad school!

5. Blog weekly

hahahahahahahahahaha! ...... no

6. Give a recital

Yes! I sang a recital of new music written by Michael Thorn in October!

7. Stay in touch with friends

I think so...?

8. Learn to knit or crochet

well you see...the thing is I tried, but then the cat swallowed a yard of my yarn, and I had to keep it in the closet, and I forgot about it. But for alittle bit there I was totally getting better

9. Run 3 times a week

Sometimes I did well with this, sometimes not so much...this is a constant goal in my life, I'm happier when I run

10. Mail Cards before Christmas

This was something of an epic fail. Noel and I decided to make a CD that we wanted to send as a christmas card, so I held off for that to be done....it's still not done

11. Be useful at work

I got a fantastic review from my boss....so that's good. I always feel like I need to do more for them though.

Soo, lets see:
3 definite yeses
3 definite noes
the rest are somewhere in between.

I don't feel too too bad about this. I think that my most important goals were accomplished, namely I applied and got into grad school.

Oh! and I totally got an article published in a news paper!!!! (sorry the link to the actual article is long gone, it was published in November)

So here I am in Boston. A new adventure in a new city. I'll try to let everyone know how it goes.

things get churchy

2009-08-16T06:44:00.003-05:00

One of the first indications that old Cairo is old is that you have to go down a flight of steps to get there. I love that old cities that have been here for centuries have built on top of themselves. There are a series of Coptic churches built on top of places where the holy family stayed while they were hiding out in Egypt. One church had a well that they had used. I find it interesting that flight to Egypt is a recurring theme in the bible. Abraham and Sarah go, I think Rebekah and Isaac go, the entire Jewish people go, and the holy family goes. I'm sure I could find a ton to read on about this. Almost all of the churches there are the church of St. George, because they are built on top of the Roman prison in which St. George was held prisoner and tortured. I'm pretty sure this happened after he slew his dragon. The biggest and most oppulent church is actually a Greek owned and run church. There was also a beautiful Synagoge.

The next trip we made was my favorite so far this visit. We drove out to the Sinai Peninsula to St. Katherine's. We drove under the Suez Canal and through miles and miles of empty desert. The first stop we made was at the plave of Moses' bitter wells. There were Bedoine womenpedaling handmade beaded ware and other such things for cheap. As we continued we watched the red sea, or the bit that leads up to the Suez canal go by. There were tons and tons of resorts on the water. It was interesting to see the desert meet the sea. No trees of any life to greet the ocean. First desert, then water. Not even a dune. We drove to a place that Wahied called the bath of the Pharaohs. There were hot springs that flowed out from under the rocks straight into the sea. There was a cave that you could go into that was like a sauna. I walked up and down the beach, enjoying the sea, and collecting a few shells. Mostly the ride was unremarkable desert that slowly gained rocky mountains. We did drive through an oasis though where there was a Bedoine village. THey had a date farm and plenty of goats running about. Finally reaching the hotel was a relief. We were in the mountains where it wasn't as hot, the air was not polluted, and there was a huge beautiful pool waiting in the evening sun.

As I hopped into the pool I quickly realized that 100% of the other tourists there were Italian! For once I was the one of our tiny crew that could understand the chatter all around me. We ate our dinner with gusto, then went straight to bed. We all had to wake up at 12:30 to head to Mount Sinai to beat the sun to the top. We climbed the mountain in the dark with a Bedoine guide and a pliveman. (all Americans and Israelis are escorted by the secret police or whatever). The Bedoine guide played prayers all the way up and down the mountain on his phone. Presumeable asking for a safe passage. The policeman was a nice guy who joked with us. He however felt license to grab my hands at certain points. If I were in the US it wouldn't have mattered because it was to guide me away from camels or over rockes, but here it is not ok to touch women, so I was not so pleased. The walk was not too hard at all, and even going very slowly to wait for Marc with his bad knees and his huffing and puffing, we made it up with nearly two hours to wait for sunrise.

(sidenote: Marc had just earlier been telling us how he was in good shap for a 55 year old man, but my parents, who granted are not yet 55, would have scampered up hyst as fast as I did. Well, perhaps Mom a little slower, but she has little legs.)

At the top there are two little chaples, everyone sits in the cold waiting for the sun to rise. The sun rises a lit faster here near the equator tha it does in the north, so when the sun did rise it just popped right up! The mountain rock formations are different than anywhere I've ever seen. Infact I had seen biblical paintings of Sinai and aasked myself what sort of mountains they were since I hadn't ever seen the like. They are dramatic, yet rounded. I don't know how else to describe them. The walk down was uneventful, but obviously much better for taking pictures.

After a hot shower and breakfast we went to St. Katherine's Monestary, built some time in the 3rd century. There is a teeny church, a mosque and the burning bush. They say that that bush is the only one of it kind on all of Sinai. The drive back was a brutal one for the drivemer. Imem is a really good natured, handsome young man, my guess is that he is perhaps 22. Everyone else slept in the car, but I stayed awake and made facces at him in the rearview mirro to keep him company. The poor kid was exhausted when we got home. So was I and all I had done was sit...and climb a mountain at one in the morning I guess...

pyramids!

2009-08-15T09:06:00.002-05:00

this is not the great pyramid! I climbed up inside the great pyramid. It was hot and muggy and a little creepy inside. A lot of people mistake this one for the great pyramid because it looks taller, but it is only built on higher ground the first one is actually the great pyramid.
The sphinx was not damaged by time, it was defaced by a man trying to prove to the citizens who were worshiping it that it would not hurt them, and that it was not a real god. So he took off the beard and the nose. He was killed by these people.
The casing on the pyramids was not broken, but taken off by later Pharaohs to build different things. All of the royal chambers were found completely empty. The grave robbers came within the Pharaoh's time though. It's funny how a giant pyramid helps grave robbers find your stuff. This is one of the reasons why the later pharaoh's were buried in the valley of the kings down in luxor...in an attempt to hide their stuff. Still most tombs were broken into.

the citadel and beyond

2009-08-15T08:50:00.002-05:00

I was lucky enough that the folks that Wahied's touring for the time that I'm here didn't mind me tagging along.

Sunday we went to the citadel and the Egyptian museum. the citadel is a huge fortress built on one of the highest points of the city. Inside the citadel is the mosque of Muhammad Ali. It is made all of alabaster and the domes are covered in silver. Upon reflection I don't know why the domes weren;t tarnished. Muhammad Ali is actually interred at the mosque. It has a very western feel, employing the same configuration of domes as the basilica in Rome. there are three pulpits called members, of different sizes. The tall one is beside the back dome, the second tallest is at the back of the dome, and the smallest is intended to be by the door. The tall ones help amplify the sheik's voice, and the small one has some one repeating what the sheik says so that those outside can hear. Now of course everyone has speakers.

Next came the egyptian museum. There Wahied's friend, also named Wahied, took me into the royal mummy room while Wahied started Marc and Nico's tour (the folks who Wahied is taking around these weeks). I have to say, for people that have been dead for 4000 years, they look pretty good!. Ramses II in particular. His hair is still there, he might have been loosing his hair during life, but not in death. Their finger nails were well manicured, and their ear lobes intact. The finery from king Tut's tomb takes up an incredible amount of space. His tomb is the only one that was found in its full splendour. From the amount that was found in his tomb, a fairly insignificant pharoh, one can imagine all that was in Ramses II's tomb. It was fantastic to see all of the treasure up close and personal after having seen pictures of it in National Geographic. Some of the neaterst things were: the camping bed that folded using hinges that are nearly identical to the design that is used today. The precise base relief carving on the sarcofoci that we still can not imitate with all of our powerful modern tools and technology. Finally something that I saw when I was wandering around by myself for a bit. There was a period of time, during the reigns of the two pharoh's previous to King Tut when the art style was noteably different. The notes marked it as more naturalistic. The body shapes were more pearlike and their skulls were elongated, their lips fuller. On the whole it looked more like the art work that yo usee from the rest of the continent of Africa.

Sunday also happened to be my birthday so Lisy and Wahied took me out to dinner. Afterwards we sat in the garden of the Villa that the restaurant was in and hade ice cream cake and sheesha. The evenings here are quite comfortable. It has not been too hot at all, and there is always a lovely breeze.

That is all that I have written so far. I'm woefully behind, as I have visited old coptic cairo, and climbed mount sinai since then.

more on egypt

2009-08-14T08:39:00.002-05:00

I would find it hard to believe that anyone really has fun at the pyramids. It's really hot in the desert, you need a car to get through from one place to the next. But then, you can't not see the pyramids...just don't do it on your own, that's my recommendation. Lisy spent a lot of the time convincing the guards that she was married to a curator at the Egyptian museum and was therefore entitled to go in for free. Eventually people were convinced. Perhaps the best part was the boat museaum. The found a full sized bost buried outside the great pyramid. It was dismantled with instructions as to how to put it back together. After seeing the Sphinx and climbing in the great pyramid (a little creepy, and a little empty) we returned for lunch and naps.

The drive through Cairo to get to Giza is almost eyeopening. Thre are unfinished buildins that are absolutely everywhere, they have been that way and will continue to be that way for years. They will crumble before they are finished. The apartment buildings only have windows on one side, the brick work is done by hand and is visibly shoddy. They legally only have to leave a meter between the buildings, so there are building on top of each other. Each building is like a series of brick shanties built on top of oneanother. Most buildings are unfinished, so they have to proper roof. You definitely understand that you are traveling through a third world city.

Cairo traffic is what you might expect; lots of high speed weaving bumper to bumper. Intersting to note are headlight habits. Few cars have headlights and when they do they are flashed to tell the person infront of you that you would like to pass them. Otherwise if people see you with your lights on they will signal for you to turn them off, even at unreasonable hours like two in the morning. The high ways aren't limited access, so there are street cleaners, men with brooms walking along dodging traffice while cleaning the roads. Also people catch vans, the local public transport along the highway Jumping over medians and hanging out under bridges. There are even some vendors hanging out under there.

writing from Egypt

2009-08-10T11:27:00.002-05:00

I'm writing in a journal, the journal is at this point a day behind, and I'm copying it, so I'll get as far as I get today and start up the next time I have internet, which will probably be Thursday.

As soon as I exited the plane I could feel the burn of the pollution in my nose and lungs. I have never been anywhere so polluted. It took about an hour to get through customs, even though we were the only flight there. It was because there were no instructions telling people they needed to buy a visa. Lisy has told me, however I still had to wait in a line of confused people. They are super scared about the swine flu here, and you pass through a quarentine check point before getting your passport checked. They look at you through an infrared camera to make sure that you aren't glowing too orange.

The first day I slept until noon, found that the internet in the apartment did not work and took a small walk around the neighborhood. Lisy lives in a very beautiful and upscale part of Cairo. Here there are lots of trees and villas. Many diplomats and ex-pats live here. Lsiy says there is no other place quite like it in Cairo. I believe her. Looking out from her balcony are lots of trees, some of them Mango! Compared to the rest of the city it's a green paradise.

The drive home from the airport was unremarkable except for passing through the city of the dead. The city of the dead is technically a huge graveyeard of tombs. the tombs are like small homes (perhaps for the afterlife? more so living reletives can visit) Many of the tombs are guarded by a member of the family or a hired guard who lives in the tomb itself. These are generally people without any other options. The city of the dead is a dangerous place that has little to no electricity, no water, the police don't go in, and it spans an astonishing 20% of the city. Needless to say, no one will notice an extra dead body in a tomb.

The weekend started nice and slowly. We went to Cardouf, the Egyptiann Walmart for the weekely grocery and thing shop.. CArdouf is built in the middle of the deasert and is surrounded by new developments that will aparently be quite expensive. Building materials are so valuble here that they hire villagers to live in the unfinished buildings and guard the materials.

We also walked through the neighborhood and got sandwiches and mango juice from street vendors. 36 hours later my tummy was a little yucky, but nothing that has stopped me from treking about the city. falafel here by the way is way yummier than any falafel I've ever had. IT has fennel seed in it which is delicious!

Saturday Lisy and I went to the pyramids in the morning. In typical Embly fashion I forgot my camera, but Lisy saved the day with her camera phone. I've since stashed my camera in my purse so that I can't forget it.

ok I have no more time, but I will continue later!

Things Fall Apart

2009-07-17T16:32:00.002-05:00

The center can not hold?

All technology in my house is slowly deciding that it no longer wishes to reside you. First the modem died and there was no more internet. Two days ago the remote to the converter box on the TV went MIA. No sign. Searched the couch, under it etc. can't find it. As a result I get to enjoy only the fine programs on Fox. The no TV choices would be a problem if there was internet...but we already covered that.

And now! last night the phone stopped getting a dial tone. sigh. Yes I unplugged and replugged. Last time this happened the squirrels had eaten through the phone line outside the house. But it took a ton of cojolling to get the AT&T guys out to my house. Plus once they came he covered my wires with anti-squirrel devices. (sheet metal wrapping)

So here I am, packing, trying to make sure that everything is set up with my loans for school, trying to get things done with the Doctor and I can't get anything done at home because I have only my cell phone. Just 14 more days. Then I'll be home where there is shiny shiny internet and phones. Then I'll be in Cairo, where I won't care if I don't have access to the internet at all times. But until then, I feel like everything is just breaking around me.

Defenestration

2009-07-09T12:03:00.002-05:00

I'm currently reading a book called The Defenestration of Bob T. Hash III by David Deans.
It's a bizarre little book about a land where a parrot turns into his owner when his owner strangely disappears. They live in a book that teaches English, and mangled other languages apparently. The author has taught English as a foreign language in various countries and he's clearly straining against the ridiculous exercises that most texts make the student do, and how sometimes there are no answers that make any sense in the exercise.
The language is very clever, and inserted within the plot are faux exercises that are in the book that they live in. I think that sometimes the book suffers for all the clever language, and funny interludes, especially since that means that frequently nothing is happening at all.

In completely disperate news, I went to the dentist today and had my teeth cleaned. They looked very clean, I got good marks for taking care of my mouth. However in stead of polishing my teeth in the normal way, they blasted baking soda at them at high pressure. They said it's more effective and quicker. It also is really uncomfortable. Baking soda flying all over the place hitting you at high pressure in the uvula and whatnot. Generally unplesant, not recommended by embly.

meal of a dozen

2009-07-01T13:29:00.002-05:00

I like meals with themes. Not ones that I necessarily plan, but a common thread that I find in the food that I eat. It amuses me when the food that I eat is all related to each other in some way.
For instance; when I was working at an overnight summer camp, we had a cookout every session. The food that we ate was, hot dogs, cheese sticks, and twix. Everything was long and cylindrical. That pleased me to no end, we might have had carrots as well, but I have to admit that I don't quite remember. The meal was also one of the more tasty ones that we got to eat.

Last night was another example. Just about everything that we ate came in 12. We made jerk wings on the grill. We had a recipe, but we didn't have some of the more important ingredients, like all spice, scallions, and who knows what else. So Alex and I decided to (pardon) wing it.

We had such success. Honestly I think that Alex have some sort of magic that lets our food turn out so well, because we just mess around.

But back to the point. we had 12 wings, 12 beers, 12 cupcakes....that might be it for the 12. I'm positive that there were more than 12 asparagus.

Taste of Hell

2009-06-30T14:46:00.000-05:00

Oh the taste of Chicago. I guess it's ok to go to once, but really, after that it's just a giant nuisance. Traffic is hell, down town is full of tourists, filling the streets with a sort of "vibrance" that I could really do with out. Vibrance here really means other people sweating on me.

That said, I'm going to really miss Chicago and all of its shenanigans.

Now that summer is really here (today maybe a bit of a regression into spring) it means that we can chill at the beach again. I can't think of many cities where you can walk from work to the beach in a few short blocks. Sure Boston will be on a harbor and whatnot, but I'm pretty sure there are no beaches that I can get to from the T (that's entirely unverified, I'm just guessing)

consonants

2009-05-14T14:09:00.000-05:00

There is something to be said for singing with professionals, or amateurs with strong training.

I sang in a concert a few weeks ago with a group of professional singers. The thing that really stood out to me was the way that consonants were placed on and between words. Without being told a thing by the conductors we all put consonants and shadow vowels in the same places. It was a really neat feeling. I think there was a specific place where between words d-uh-v happened in the exact same way every time.

I really like thinking about words. I don't think so much about the way they sound, but rather the way that they feel in my mouth. The way an "L" should feel, sort of flicking in the front of the mouth rather than stuck on the back of the tongue. I think about that a lot when I hear the song "Halo" on the radio. I mean does Beyonce sing that "L" in the front of her mouth? it sure sounds like it.

In other news, when I was singing for a potential new teacher in my new city and the comment that I got was "you have ring for days" so that was fun.

cheetos

2009-05-04T16:49:00.001-05:00

So I was on the bus home from down town this evening and I was munching on some cheetos. I have a love hate relationship with Cheetos insofar as they're delicious in a really disgusting way.
I noticed though that as I was eating them that they were really warm in my mouth, warmer than my mouth.
Yet another reason to not eat cheetos; they have an exothermic reaction in your mouth.
weird.

(I did I little experimenting, it's not just when you munch on them as I first thought, but even if you let them just sort of melt in your mouth they get warm)

(also have you ever thought about how packing peanuts [the ones made out of corn] look exactly like cheetos? the only difference is the orange "cheese")

2009-04-27T14:34:00.001-05:00

Be wary of the quick infatuation of the lonely heart
It knows not the promises it makes
Fears not the consequences
Hopes only to fill a now expected void
And will nigh return to its natural state

what is the purpose of music

2009-04-13T15:00:00.001-05:00

I read this on Joyce DiDonato's blog and thought I might share it with you.

Welcome address to freshman at Boston Conservatory, given by Karl Paulnack, pianist and director of music division at Boston Conservatory.

“One of my parents’ deepest fears, I suspect, is that society would not properly value me as a musician, that I wouldn’t be appreciated. I had very good grades in high school, I was good in science and math, and they imagined that as a doctor or a research chemist or an engineer, I might be more appreciated than I would be as a musician. I still remember my mother’s remark when I announced my decision to apply to music school—she said, “you’re WASTING your SAT scores.” On some level, I think, my parents were not sure themselves what the value of music was, what its purpose was. And they LOVED music, they listened to classical music all the time. They just weren’t really clear about its function. So let me talk about that a little bit, because we live in a society that puts music in the “arts and entertainment” section of the newspaper, and serious music, the kind your kids are about to engage in, has absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with entertainment, in fact it’s the opposite of entertainment. Let me talk a little bit about music, and how it works.

The first people to understand how music really works were the ancient Greeks. And this is going to fascinate you; the Greeks said that music and astronomy were two sides of the same coin. Astronomy was seen as the study of relationships between observable, permanent, external objects, and music was seen as the study of relationships between invisible, internal, hidden objects. Music has a way of finding the big, invisible moving pieces inside our hearts and souls and helping us figure out the position of things inside us. Let me give you some examples of how this works.

One of the most profound musical compositions of all time is the Quartet for the End of Time written by French composer Olivier Messiaen in 1940. Messiaen was 31 years old when France entered the war against Nazi Germany. He was captured by the Germans in June of 1940, sent across Germany in a cattle car and imprisoned in a concentration camp.
He was fortunate to find a sympathetic prison guard who gave him paper and a place to compose. There were three other musicians in the camp, a cellist, a violinist, and a clarinetist, and Messiaen wrote his quartet with these specific players in mind. It was performed in January 1941 for four thousand prisoners and guards in the prison camp. Today it is one of the most famous masterworks in the repertoire.

Given what we have since learned about life in the concentration camps, why would anyone in his right mind waste time and energy writing or playing music? There was barely enough energy on a good day to find food and water, to avoid a beating, to stay warm, to escape torture—why would anyone bother with music? And yet—from the camps, we have poetry, we have music, we have visual art; it wasn’t just this one fanatic Messiaen; many, many people created art. Why? Well, in a place where people are only focused on survival, on the bare necessities, the obvious conclusion is that art must be, somehow, essential for life. The camps were without money, without hope, without commerce, without recreation, without basic respect, but they were not without art. Art is part of survival; art is part of the human spirit, an unquenchable expression of who we are. Art is one of the ways in which we say, “I am alive, and my life has meaning.”

In September 2001 I was a resident of Manhattan. That morning I reached a new understanding of my art and its relationship to the world. I sat down at the piano that morning at 10 AM to practice as was my daily routine; I did it by force of habit, without thinking about it. I lifted the cover on the keyboard, and opened my music, and put my hands on the keys and took my hands off the keys. And I sat there and thought, does this even matter? Isn’t this completely irrelevant? Playing the piano right now, given what happened in this city yesterday, seems silly, absurd, irreverent, pointless. Why am I here? What place has a musician in this moment in time? Who needs a piano player right now? I was completely lost.

And then I, along with the rest of New York, went through the journey of getting through that week. I did not play the piano that day, and in fact I contemplated briefly whether I would ever want to play the piano again. And then I observed how we got through the day.

At least in my neighborhood, we didn’t shoot hoops or play Scrabble. We didn’t play cards to pass the time, we didn’t watch TV, we didn’t shop, we most certainly did not go to the mall. The first organized activity that I saw in New York, that same day, was singing. People sang. People sang around fire houses, people sang “We Shall Overcome”. Lots of people sang America the Beautiful. The first organized public event that I remember was the Brahms Requiem, later that week, at Lincoln Center, with the New York Philharmonic. The first organized public expression of grief, our first communal response to that historic event, was a concert. That was the beginning of a sense that life might go on. The US Military secured the airspace, but recovery was led by the arts, and by music in particular, that very night.

From these two experiences, I have come to understand that music is not part of “arts and entertainment” as the newspaper section would have us believe. It’s not a luxury, a lavish thing that we fund from leftovers of our budgets, not a plaything or an amusement or a pass time. Music is a basic need of human survival. Music is one of the ways we make sense of our lives, one of the ways in which we express feelings when we have no words, a way for us to understand things with our hearts when we can’t with our minds.

Some of you may know Samuel Barber’s heartwrenchingly beautiful piece Adagio for Strings. If you don’t know it by that name, then some of you may know it as the background music which accompanied the Oliver Stone movie Platoon, a film about the Vietnam War. If you know that piece of music either way, you know it has the ability to crack your heart open like a walnut; it can make you cry over sadness you didn’t know you had. Music can slip beneath our conscious reality to get at what’s really going on inside us the way a good therapist does.

I bet that you have never been to a wedding where there was absolutely no music. There might have been only a little music, there might have been some really bad music, but I bet you there was some music. And something very predictable happens at weddings—people get all pent up with all kinds of emotions, and then there’s some musical moment where the action of the wedding stops and someone sings or plays the flute or something. And even if the music is lame, even if the quality isn’t good, predictably 30 or 40 percent of the people who are going to cry at a wedding cry a couple of moments after the music starts. Why? The Greeks. Music allows us to move around those big invisible pieces of ourselves and rearrange our insides so that we can express what we feel even when we can’t talk about it. Can you imagine watching Indiana Jones or Superman or Star Wars with the dialogue but no music? What is it about the music swelling up at just the right moment in ET so that all the softies in the audience start crying at exactly the same moment? I guarantee you if you showed the movie with the music stripped out, it wouldn’t happen that way. The Greeks: Music is the understanding of the relationship between invisible internal objects.

I’ll give you one more example, the story of the most important concert of my life. I must tell you I have played a little less than a thousand concerts in my life so far. I have played in places that I thought were important. I like playing in Carnegie Hall; I enjoyed playing in Paris; it made me very happy to please the critics in St. Petersburg. I have played for people I thought were important; music critics of major newspapers, foreign heads of state. The most important concert of my entire life took place in a nursing home in Fargo, ND, about 4 years ago.

I was playing with a very dear friend of mine who is a violinist. We began, as we often do, with Aaron Copland’s Sonata, which was written during World War II and dedicated to a young friend of Copland’s, a young pilot who was shot down during the war. Now we often talk to our audiences about the pieces we are going to play rather than providing them with written program notes. But in this case, because we began the concert with this piece, we decided to talk about the piece later in the program and to just come out and play the music without explanation.

Midway through the piece, an elderly man seated in a wheelchair near the front of the concert hall began to weep. This man, whom I later met, was clearly a soldier—even in his 70’s, it was clear from his buzz-cut hair, square jaw and general demeanor that he had spent a good deal of his life in the military. I thought it a little bit odd that someone would be moved to tears by that particular movement of that particular piece, but it wasn’t the first time I’ve heard crying in a concert and we went on with the concert and finished the piece.

When we came out to play the next piece on the program, we decided to talk about both the first and second pieces, and we described the circumstances in which the Copland was written and mentioned its dedication to a downed pilot. The man in the front of the audience became so disturbed that he had to leave the auditorium. I honestly figured that we would not see him again, but he did come backstage afterwards, tears and all, to explain himself.

What he told us was this: “During World War II, I was a pilot, and I was in an aerial combat situation where one of my team’s planes was hit. I watched my friend bail out, and watched his parachute open, but the Japanese planes which had engaged us returned and machine gunned across the parachute chords so as to separate the parachute from the pilot, and I watched my friend drop away into the ocean, realizing that he was lost. I have not thought about this for many years, but during that first piece of music you played, this memory returned to me so vividly that it was as though I was reliving it. I didn’t understand why this was happening, why now, but then when you came out to explain that this piece of music was written to commemorate a lost pilot, it was a little more than I could handle. How does the music do that? How did it find those feelings and those memories in me?”

Remember the Greeks: music is the study of invisible relationships between internal objects. This concert in Fargo was the most important work I have ever done. For me to play for this old soldier and help him connect, somehow, with Aaron Copland, and to connect their memories of their lost friends, to help him remember and mourn his friend, this is my work. This is why music matters.

What follows is part of the talk I will give to this year’s freshman class when I welcome them a few days from now. The responsibility I will charge your sons and daughters with is this:

“If we were a medical school, and you were here as a med student practicing appendectomies, you’d take your work very seriously because you would imagine that some night at two AM someone is going to waltz into your emergency room and you’re going to have to save their life. Well, my friends, someday at 8 PM someone is going to walk into your concert hall and bring you a mind that is confused, a heart that is overwhelmed, a soul that is weary. Whether they go out whole again will depend partly on how well you do your craft.

You’re not here to become an entertainer, and you don’t have to sell yourself. The truth is you don’t have anything to sell; being a musician isn’t about dispensing a product, like selling used Chevies. I’m not an entertainer; I’m a lot closer to a paramedic, a firefighter, a rescue worker. You’re here to become a sort of therapist for the human soul, a spiritual version of a chiropractor, physical therapist, someone who works with our insides to see if they get things to line up, to see if we can come into harmony with ourselves and be healthy and happy and well.

Frankly, ladies and gentlemen, I expect you not only to master music; I expect you to save the planet. If there is a future wave of wellness on this planet, of harmony, of peace, of an end to war, of mutual understanding, of equality, of fairness, I don’t expect it will come from a government, a military force or a corporation. I no longer even expect it to come from the religions of the world, which together seem to have brought us as much war as they have peace. If there is a future of peace for humankind, if there is to be an understanding of how these invisible, internal things should fit together, I expect it will come from the artists, because that’s what we do. As in the concentration camp and the evening of 9/11, the artists are the ones who might be able to help us with our internal, invisible lives.”

It's good to be an Emily

2009-03-23T21:46:00.000-05:00

Apparently there are urban dictionary entries for names...
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Emily

preposterous panic

2009-03-22T23:16:00.002-05:00

Today I encountered a bit of panic.

I went to the Harold Washington Library to take out some light reading. I had tried the Reg. but all of the books that I wanted were all checked out (of all the rummy things). So off I went to check out some books. I looked them up, not checked out! hooray! 7th floor fiction it says. I get there and double check the catalogue so I can get the call number, and there was no call number. All it says is 7th floor fiction. But, how on earth am I to find it with out a call number?! I was actually hit by a wave of what someone may call existential panic (Scheer is the someone). All books have call numbers! that's how you find them! You mean to say you're going to let me loose on a floor of books without any indication of how to find the one that I wanted?!

I wandered dazed for approximately 2 minutes (in all seriousness I did). I couldn't even find the fiction. I circled and wondered who would set a library up with out the comforting clarity of call numbers. Finally after wandering through foreign languages and Large print fiction I found the fiction. Ah says I; by last name of author. Now that's a terrible way to find a book by someone with the last name of Hamilton.

I found all my books, but was actually shaken. Why?! Why should it disturb and confuse me so that the books were alphabetized? That is in fact how they did fiction at the public library where I grew up if I recall correctly. It's simply that the Reg. is absolutely regimented by call number, and it's nice to know just where a book will be.

However, it is much easier to browse books at the HWL than the Reg.

it should be noted, that Alphabetization has been a bane of my existence since...oh...third grade. I'm just not very good at it.

hunger...

2009-03-19T16:09:00.002-05:00

As is true most of the time at the end of a work day at the library, I am cold and hungry. Cold because the stacks kept cool for the preservation of books, and hungry...well because I don't do well if I can't eat something every hour or so.

So I thought that I might share with you two discoveries that I've made recently. One is that I really love brusselsprouts. Tell you what...they're delicious, like cabbage but less likely to reap havoc on your belly.

I discovered a very delicious thing to do to my chicken breasts. Now, I profess to hate chicken, that's because it is what I can afford to eat and I get bored of it. However the other night I just pan fried a chicken breast with coarse mustard smeared over it and a touch of soysauce splashed on. Tasty tasty meal (I also had brussel sprouts)

I also may have gone on about my favorite soup that I crave often. It's Tom Yum soup, however some tom yum soup is too sweet, so you have to be careful. I fake it sometimes by adding rice vinegar to chicken stock that I have cooked chicken, shrimp, snow peas, and some other veggies in with hot pepper. This is good, but just adding vinegar can make your tummy grumble. They probably make it sour with lemon grass.

Aside for being hungry things are all quite the same here. I have about one audition a week. Work is the same as ever (though we're doing a little sleuthing for Juan Diego Florez, which is tremendously cool). I'm singing a bunch at the synagogue, which is always quite nice. So yeah. No news here...

(oh except for that the CD I was going to send you all for Christmas is finally approaching completion!)

Hmmm

2009-03-10T16:24:00.000-05:00

I'll write about this in a day or two:

Last night...

2009-02-10T14:37:00.001-06:00

I dreamed that I had to parachute out of an open cockpit airplane (you know the old kind made of canvas) to give medical attention to towns folk. my parachute was red, as was the plane.

Things I find stupid:

2009-02-09T18:15:00.001-06:00

Tanning before you go on vacation so that "you don't burn". please. just use sunscreen properly.

also

forced air heating. I hate it.

found in auction!

2009-02-08T22:07:00.007-06:00

For my job I look through lots and lots of auction catalogues for very specific things regarding very specific opera composers. When I find them I take pictures. Sometimes I find things that are entirely unrelated to those composers that are too cool to not take pictures of, so here are some pictures I've taken at work:
Polar bears!
Upsidedown Jim Henson autograph, the upsidedown ones are very rare I hear...
it was the 60's I guess they still published literature like that?
look how big that was! It was from the 1890's too! alot of the pages were uncut!
God may in fact be puking sunshine onto Adam while Eve is being created from his rib. Or divine knowledge, or something. Really I'm unclear.

lets talk auditions

2009-01-22T13:29:00.002-06:00

Tomorrow I head into an exciting two months of auditions. Traveling here and there to sing for ten minutes for panels furiously scribbling while looking indifferent, bemused, haggard, tired, and if I'm lucky interested.

In the process I will get to visit my family, Margot, and a city that I've never been to before. I also get to travel to an ex-prison that is now a performing arts center, and a restaurant on the far north side.

What happens in these auditions?

Most auditions you will sit and wait with other nervous singers and make terrible small talk. That is really the worst part, because you never know if the person next to you is actually going to try to be nice or is just feeling out the competition. For the most part people are too consumed with themselves to talk too much. It is difficult to get a sincere conversation out of anyone. I for one couldn't care less about "the competition" it's all about how you sing and present yourself, there is nothing else that you can do. Guessing how you'll fare against everyone else is really a game in freaking yourself out.

So you're finally called in. You hand them your resume, repertoire list, and head shot, bring your music to the pianist and let the pianist know what piece you'll start with and mention if you remember how fast you'll sing if it is an unusual one. Then introduce yourself in a friendly formal, but not too formal way and let the panel know what piece you will be starting with. They will then motion for you to begin or say something to that affect.

This is when you should take a tiny moment for yourself. tiny moment. Some singers close their eyes and drop their head raising when they are ready as an indication to the pianist that they are ready to begin. I think that this is a bit contrived and silly looking. Some people nod at the pianist. This is strongly discouraged, as it is rude and silly looking. I tend to take a deep breath and smile at the pianist.

Sing.

Do not over analyze. Do not read the panel's faces. Do not think do not think. Just sing. Involve yourself with the character. But do not let the second level of analyzing second guessing brain kick in. It will only freak you out and mess you up. Sing because it's the thing you're best and and the thing you love.

When you're done this is the time that the panel might ask you questions. Why do you think that their program is good for you? Or they might throw you a more difficult interview type question.

They will then choose your second piece from your repertoire list.
sing.

you're then usually done. Some auditions ask for a third piece. Some school auditions will have a sight reading type segment. Some show auditions will ask you to perform a monologue. However usually you are done at this point.

Thank the panel, thank your pianist grab your music and smile! Leave and eat something for goodness sake!

So there you have it, for all that were curious. That is what auditions look like.

winter danger

2009-01-13T15:52:00.003-06:00

I looked outside my kitchen window this morning to discover that we had acquired a very large icicle. We fondly now call it the "deathcicle".

What is not readily apparent from this photo is that it is seriously 6 feet tall.

Not only is it sitting there poised to fall on to some poor sucker's head, but the stairs at the bottom of the building are coated with about an inch of ice from these with a lovely layer of water to make it slick.

Music freak out

2009-01-11T15:04:00.003-06:00

Every once and a while I discover an artist that I just freak out over and hit my head over the fact that I hadn't been listening to them for years.

Ted just introduced me to Janelle Monae, she is freaking amazing.

She is amazing! great voice and amazing concept album!

Latkes

2008-12-22T22:19:00.002-06:00

We had Pelks and Christian over for latkes and apple sauce tonight because we wanted to try a cool recipe for latkes. They had artichoke hearts and leeks and were very tasty!

We also broke out the Hannukah activity box that Ted sent me last year. In addition to coloring in stickers we also wrote two poems which I will take the liberty of sharing with you:

Cats are pretty
Happy cats make me happy
Are cats real?
No, they're not
Unfortunately cats are not real in Uruguay
Kats? Cats!
Are we satisfied with this poem?
How could we not be?!?

On a similar theme:

Long, long ago
And ever so far away
The lad had consumption
Kristin came to the rescue
Everybody celebrated Hannukah!

Yay!!

Advent Adventures!

2008-12-17T22:24:00.000-06:00

So I wish read a sign outside of the Sem Co-op today. Sadly it read Advent Alternative.

But just think about it! Advent Adventures! Is this the time of waiting? Are you joyfully anticipating your Lord's arrival? Prepare yourself for the coming of the Lord by pushing yourself to the limit! Climb the cliffs of Sinai! Swim across the red sea! Follow the star across the desert! Personal actualization guaranteed!

That would be awesome.

staying accountable

2008-12-12T11:57:00.001-06:00

just in case you were all curious:
I am officially done applying to grad school. Now it's hurry up and wait to see if I get any auditions.
Also happy birthday, to alex, mia, and my grandma!

watch quandry

2008-12-03T13:24:00.000-06:00

So, I had to get my watch cut off by a jeweler down town. I have no idea how it got so stuck that it had to be cut off. But now I'm with out a watch. My everyday watch is with my mom, it needed a new battery and a new wrist band. The watch that got cut off was my "dress watch". The question now is whether I liked it enough to get the clasp fixed, or if I should just get a new watch that I like more, and fits me better.
However there is no question that I need to fix my watch situation quickly. I really like knowing what time it is.

this is a disaster

2008-12-02T23:35:00.002-06:00

In a brilliant show of incompetence I'm stuck in my watch. It's not a huge deal, but it is mildly irritating. It's poking me. I have one of those watches with a clasp that goes "in-out" and it got stuck on the "in".

Now I'm going to have to sleep with my watch on. Halp! please somebody! really wants watch off!

Opera as Hyperbole

2008-11-30T20:17:00.002-06:00

Applications!!!! Here enjoy one of the essays I wrote!

We are drawn to the opera by the reflection of society that fills the mind as it fills the stage. We go for the music, we go for the glamour, but most of all we go for the stories. Everything about life is amplified at the opera, the stories are grander than our lives, yet we can see pieces of our lives on stage; and it is this, that draws us back again and again. Opera fills our lives with the drama that we secretly wish was our banality. When one thinks about it carefully, no one would really want to be any character on the stage. Too frequently they lead heart-wrenching lives ending in tragedy, and even the happiest ending is earned only by slogging through, deception and temporary heartbreak – no sane person would ever go through all that, no matter how enticingly romantic the scenario. But we do not think about it, at least not at first, because we are far too caught up in our envy of characters that lead such romantic lives.

It all started as an academic experiment in Italy, but it quickly became a national pastime. An evening at the opera house was a regular excursion. People went to see their favorite stars, listen to their favorite arias, gamble, eat dinner, watch the ballet, rub shoulders with the who’s who of society – not to mention enjoy a heated building. Going to the opera was not just about seeing an opera, since you frequently saw the same opera several times a season. The music provided a backdrop to the social scene that was unique to the opera. This changed in the Romantic era as the composer gained greater importance and the composer’s music was considered an extension of their genius. Going to the opera became what we are familiar with today: dark theaters, a performance of one piece, the attentively silent audience devoted to the piece. Opera’s role has certainly evolved, but it has never lost that luster and prestige, and it continues to be a place to look for the important figures in society.

In many ways this movement away from social atmosphere to a polite adulation of genius explains opera’s fall from the social heart to the demesne of the socialite. Fewer patrons mean more expensive tickets, forcing – or allowing – opera to become more and more exclusive, and leading to fewer patrons. There have been efforts again in the last 20 years to change this: opera singers are expected to have an excellent grasp of realistic stage acting, and directors’ artistic visions are gaining importance over those of musical directors’. Perhaps the best move that has been taken to remove the exclusive image of opera, reduce the cost, and entice new patrons to the art has been the Met’s live broadcast of its performances to movie theaters. Once past the barricades of social exclusivity, opera goers can once again be privy to the grand stories of opera.

Opera like all art-work is a chance for the artist to hold a mirror to society and reflect us all – the good, the bad, the tragic, but most importantly, the truth – for those who will look. The image is not a realistic one, but one seen through the lens of hyperbole. Political turmoil in Italy transforms into the struggles of the Hebrews exiled from their land; lover’s quarrels are amplified as the heroine’s last whispered breath passes like a kiss over her lover’s lips. Even now, we see the cool post-minimalist interpretation of the creation of the atomic bomb and the decisions of an American president. In short, the real becomes more than real; it becomes hyperbole.

What causes this hyperbolic representation of the world and life to resonate with the audience is the music. We have all experienced the transformative power of music, and opera uses that power to bend the audience to the composer’s will. We don’t mind that it takes Manon ten minutes of crawling across the Louisiana plains to die, because we are entranced by the music that binds it into a single, all-too-short moment. Her anguish is our anguish, and it is the music that makes it true. We experience the story in the character’s moment, not the audience’s. And this, I believe is the most magnificent power of music.

Obama-land

2008-11-20T14:49:00.000-06:00

There is all sorts of excitement in the city about Obama. The New York Times points out some of this feeling.
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/11/20/fashion/20chicago.html?_r=1&scp=1&sq=chicago&st=cse

(will make link prettier when I get home)

I've pointed out to some of my friends that it's a bit like after the Sox won the championships; everyone has something to talk about. Strangers are willing to strike up conversations on the CTA. There is palpable excitement and comradery.

I mean there are a few minor inconveniences though. Two of the bus routes that I regularly take have been re-routed because of the blockade around Obama's house.

Also two days ago I was stuck On Michigan ave as all traffic was stopped for what seemed like no apparent reason. five minutes go by nothing. A police car goes by, we wait another 3 minutes. Then about seven police cars scream by, and I say to no one in particular with a bit of a sigh...it's Obama. My speculation in confirmed as three black suburbans fly by followed by three more police cars followed by three more suburbans, followed by five more polices cars.
Wait for it.
We're still not allowed to move. But that's ok, because rush hour traffic on Michigan Ave. is pretty light ;). The thing is that everyone who was grumbling before stopped after they saw that it was Obama. Everyone was pretty happy to wait for his entourage.

I wonder how long it took that traffic to clear up...

I have to say though, all of that will pale in comparison to what will happen to airplane travelers when he flies in and out of O'Hare. That airport is notorious for delayed departures as it is. I was told that when Air Force One goes in and out, all other planes will have to remain grounded. I already avoid O'Hare.

still cool though.

sigh of relief

2008-11-19T00:30:00.001-06:00

I have a pianist.

for those of you who don't know I've been loosing some sleep over this.

To top it off we have a new kitty. He is asleep in my lap as we speak! or rather, as I type to...you.

I will give you kitty pictures later.

what sort of person?

2008-11-17T14:12:00.002-06:00

So I haven't been falling asleep very well for the past week, last night was no different. So after going to bed at 10:30 I was puttering around at midnight. So I decided to give a crack at one of my grad school essay questions that I've sort of been looking at with raised eyebrow "how would you describe yourself as a human being?" I didn't really get to the second part of the question about what you like best and worst about yourself and it definitely is ramblely and off topic, but you take what you can get in the middle of the night.

----

I frequently find myself wishing that I could help fix other people's inter-personal problems. Just help them by going to the person who does not understand and shake them and say "what's your problem!". Barring that I feel that if I could only sit down and talk with them everything would get sorted out. Not that I could necessarily change their minds, but they would at least see the reason in my, and by extension, the person I'm helping's position. Inversely this would also help me understand their position which had preciously seemed so unreasonable to me.

This sums up a great part of who I am as a person: I seek understanding. I seek understanding for myself of others and understanding of myself for others. I am not particularly interested in agreement, this sometimes happens along the way, but it more frequently does not. I'm not in the business of changing minds, and I'm not interested in arguing, just interested in understanding the world.

I think that the most frequent mistake that is made with perception and understanding, is that we think that we are no longer affected by the forces we understand. That is simply not true. Just because we see the forces at work on ourselves, does not mean that the force in no longer acting upon us, it just means that we're aware of it.

---

so yes. brief rambleings of a not sleeping Embly.

I think I'm going to talk about Opera as hyperbole for one of my essays, I'll let you know how that goes.

bach

2008-11-11T23:40:00.002-06:00

listening to Bach makes me incredibly happy, though it unfortunately wakes me up. I say unfortunately because I was completely ready to go to sleep an hour ago before I started listening to Bach.

I wanted to point out to my friend the piece that I thought would be excellent to walk down the aisle at a wedding to: Cantata 150 the terzetto, sung in trio with just one cello and bassoon. The words are about the Cedars in the tempest.

Then I had to make the point that Bach wrote the most heartbreaking music. I've heard people criticize Bach for being mechanical, but try to listen to Erbarme dich from the St. Matthew Passion without your heart breaking.

And then I needed to listen to his Missa in B minor.

I'm freaking out a very little bit about getting my recording for grad school done. My favorite pianist has not returned my e-mails. Time to move on to another person!

the progress

2008-11-09T22:30:00.002-06:00

Grad school update:

I have all of my recommendation materials together. All I have to do is buy stamps and put stamps on all my envelopes.

I have the list of where I'm applying. I'm not going to write going to write in on the blog but there are seven schools.

I also made pumpkin pie.

Also I went to a battle of the jug bands. It was amazing.

Gallino

2008-11-07T11:49:00.000-06:00

last night I had a dream where I was arguing about the meaning of the word "Gallino". Someone was arguing that it meant Eagle, they almost convinced me.
It is of course Rooster. Well Gallo is Rooster, Gallino is like saying little rooster I guess.

Which of course brings my to my point: Rooster is a strange word.

today

2008-11-02T23:15:00.002-06:00

Ate pie for breakfast
saw the Newberry Consort
Listed information about three of the schools that I'm pretty certain I'm applying to
Pretty figured out the list of songs that I'll be auditioning with (all of these places are asking for 6, so much for "my five")
There are two versions of the list however, depending upon how many art songs they specify.
with 4 art songs:
1. Scarlatti piece (to be disclosed when I figure out what it is)
2. D'un Prison
3. Einerlei
4. Purcell or Barber (that's a little undecided due to potential period overlap/neglect)
5. Oh Quante Volte
6. Mozart Oratorio, probably Laudamus Te but I might switch it up with something from Exultate Jubilate

With out specifying number of art songs:
1. Willow
2. Vilja or Einerlei
3. D'un prison
4. Scarlatti
5. Oh Quante Volte
6. Mozart oratorio

So it's not quite ironed out, but it's getting there.

I've also started to answer one of the essay questions, one of those "Describe yourself as a human being" numbers, though I won't put it up here today, since it's really a draft of a draft.

accountability

2008-11-02T00:22:00.002-05:00

I keep on telling people that I have designed my schedule so that I have very few singing commitments this month so that I can apply to grad school.
However I have done little to actually achieve this goal. (to be fair this is a bit of an exaggeration, I have done some things)
So. I am keeping myself accountable on this blog.
I'm going to try to post everyday (or at least everyday that is pertinent) about my application process this month. Most applications are due December 1 so I have exactly a month....
Go!

I'm Pro-America

2008-10-22T22:06:00.002-05:00

I don't tend to delve into politics unless I know that I can have a thoughtful discussion with a person because I don't like arguing ideological differences to no avail. It's surely through having friends with such strong and varied opinions that I've gotten this way. I just don't like butting heads with no purpose, but as the title may suggest something has gotten under my skin.

I'm sure you've all seen more than your fair share of "pro-America" and "the real Virginia" clips.

It's really offensive to me that the concept of being a "real" American is being cast along party lines. Certainly we're in the final part of what has been devilishly long and ugly campaign, but I don't really find defense in that. One of the things that makes the United States great is that we are all entitled to our different opinions and the ability to voice them. What makes us Americans is how different we all are. The great melting pot. A place where brave men and women struck out to create something that they could call their own.

I am incredibly proud to be an American, a place where with hard work and marginal luck anyone can make something of themselves. I am proud that there is still farm land and we still grow food. I am proud that we have some of the most impressive cities filled with some of the most diverse people in the world. I am proud that we still have a culture that is connected to our roots when you travel to different regions. I think it's tremendous that you feel the difference in culture in New England verses the South verses the South-West verses the Mid-West verses the Plains verses the West coast and that we are still one country.

That is not to say that I am unequivocally proud of all actions that we have and will take as a country. It's like a mother saying to their child, I don't always like you, but I'll always love you. But I am grateful I live in a country where I can say whether or not I agree with something. Everyone is entitled to their opinions and the ability to share them.

Entitled. And I hate entitlement. There is nothing that upsets me in a person's actions more than a sense of entitlement. But I think that we're all entitled to free speech, I think every child is entitled a fair chance to grow and have options. While I'm defending the first amendment so vehemently I also support the second amendment. (obviously there are public safety concerns that come into concern with both the first and second amendments, and my opinions are in fact nuanced)

Here's the thing though, with this entitlement comes civic duty. This is not socialism it is living in a community, and we live in a community that is bigger than those who we know. It is bigger than the people in our church, the people in our town, and the people in our state. We should do good for people on a individual level, but as a country we are responsible as well. We are responsible to ourselves and responsible to the world, because like it or not we are part of a global community. So yes, it is my civic duty to pay my taxes, and I might even agree with the scoffed at line that it is patriotic to pay taxes. And even though I feel the nearly 25% of my pay check that gets taken each month between taxes, medicare and social security(only to be taxed again when I buy stuff) it is literally the price to pay to live in a safe and secure country. This is not new, in the Bible it commands that when a farmer harvests his wheat that he not reap to the edges of the field and not glean the fallen seeds. That which we have is not only our own.

I want to live in a country where we have programs to help the needy. I want streets to be paved, for there to be policemen and firemen. I want the government to be able to help in disasters here at home and abroad. I want to live in a country that has the ability to help in Darfur, and Myanmar and works with other countries to do so.

I am proud of our troops. I don't always agree with the missions that they've been sent on, or even in the way that they're conducted, but I am grateful that there are men and women who go. It is hard to separate the players from the game, but we must. And the players are for the most part good men and women. Just as this nation is for the most part good men and women.

Good men and women who disagree.

So just because I'm a liberal Jew who lives in a big city who absolutely loves brie and red wine does not mean I don't love this country. It also doesn't mean that I don't love beer and BBQ.

I really just wish that politics were not so incredibly divisive right now and didn't pander to people's fear.

friends!

2008-10-18T11:19:00.004-05:00

So, it's official! My friends are positively the coolest! Last night was the second Friday in the run of the show, which is traditionally a difficult show. However we had the best audience imaginable! They were really engaged laughing even at the really wordy jokes!

A huge number of my friends came to see us last night, enough that the director asked at intermission if I had a big group of friends on the right side of the theater, the answer was of course yes! It was so lovely. I love performing no matter what, but performing for an audience that already loves you was just so fun.

Then as I was heading toward the door to meet people afterwards, everyone was there waiting to talk to me. It's not that my friends came and liked it, but rather that they were so incredibly exuberant!

We afterwards all went out for late foods and drinks. It was great to able to chat with everyone and come down from the show with all of my favorite people!

Sadly I don't have a picture of everyone together, however I do have a picture of our silliness!

The pirate king and me! They wanted me to wear the crown all night, but it was meant for a six year old, so it didn't stay on very well.

rainy day

2008-10-15T13:15:00.002-05:00

It's a rainy fall day. I love these sort of days, the colors are all just so interesting. It's also a strangely warm day. So I'm sitting in my office listening to the rain and drinking a cup of tea. I'm happy for the rain, even if it has possibly destroyed my practiceing and running plans, it's rather comforting.

Things are finally back to normal, which is rather nice. I have had a productive week so far, and that makes me a happy girl.

I got to see a bunch of my friends on Monday, they had perhaps been wondering if I had fallen off the face of the earth, since I had barely spoken to them in a month and a half. It was a relief to spend time with my friends. Having comradery is wonderful, and appropriate for doing a show, but it's not the same as spending time with your friends (especially if one of those friends is your brother).

I was surprised at the number of times that people asked me if I was happy, it was not acutally easy to answer the question. I remember about a month or maybe more ago thinking to myself how I had been rather happy for quite some time and how great that was, but on Monday my answer was, well I think so.

Honestly I've been so busy that it is difficult to determine. Am I happy? Well I'm not unhappy, I'm busy, I don't know what I am, I'm really enjoying all the singing that I'm doing, and I'm not necessarily looking forward to it all ending. Monday itself had been a rather lonely day, but I would say that over all I am very contented. I'm not particularily plagued by any early 20's angst right now, which is lovely.

I do have grad school decisions coming up, whether to apply, where to apply if I do, what else to look to do if I don't, life decisions never really make for happiness in their midst. Afterwards they tend to, but during the process there is usually some decision making anguish. Luckily I'm only beginning to have to deal with all of that.

So there you have it, musings appropriate for the weather!

Great weekend!

2008-10-12T15:06:00.003-05:00

I had quite the grand weekend!

I'm tempted to just list everything that I did, I mean I biked up to foster beach and back, made lots and lots of pancakes with Noel, and I sang my first night of Pirates! (which went quite well! You should all come and see...if you're in Chicago)

I also got to watch the Marathon (those Kenyans run fast!) nap in the sun, and hang out all afternoon with a bunch of my roommate's friends. We were all over the city! Ukrainian Village, Pilsen, it was great.

Now for some more of that sleeping that I've been doing so much of this weekend!

High Holidays

2008-10-09T23:46:00.002-05:00

So. I got through it.
I sang two services last night, and today I was back at Sinai at 9:30 and I didn't leave until 6:30.
It was really exhausting, but I really liked being part of the service. Sometimes it took away from the experience, needing to be engaged on a different level to make everything go smoothly, and sometimes it really added to be part of the service.

I didn't fast today, which I was a little conflicted about, but ultimately I don't think I could have made it through the 25 hours when I was singing for almost half of those hours.

I got to listen to three very good sermons in the last 24 hours. The one that's sticking at the moment is about how prayer is meaningless unless it leads to action. I think that is a very important thing to remember, especially on a day that you are praying for forgiveness.

Good Night

technique

2008-10-03T21:46:00.002-05:00

vocal technique is a strange beast.

You start out singing naturally, you don't think about how you sing, you just do it, and you sound like yourself.

Then you start messing with it, you get louder, or richer, things feel really different, you think about singing again. You wonder why singing is so much harder than it used to be, and how it is that you could be better if it's so much more work.

Then somehow that goes away, and you're just singing again, and you just sound like yourself again. But you actually sound different than you sounded before, you're just now used to the new way you sound.

rinse and repeat.

Ideally technique should be making everything easier. With the correct technique singing the high c is really nothing at all, especially if you have the d and e above it. But you know it's high, and frequently you make it hard for yourself to prove that it is high.

I'm in a period of vocal ease again. It's very strange because once you stop thinking about these new things that you've developed, you sometimes start to worry if you're accomplishing them when you're not thinking about them. That's where I am. I'm singing and it just sounds like me, and I'm not sure if I've carried all my developments with me in a period of taxing vocal work. I think I've done moderately well at least, but it is very hard to tell from this end of things.

maybe too busy

2008-09-29T23:58:00.002-05:00

proof that I may in fact be too busy:
(photo forthcoming)

I baked challah for Rosh Hashanah...it was a debacle.

Now Challah is one of those things that I happen to make extremely well consistently. But I was in a rush today.

I started it this afternoon, but had to leave it mid second rise to sing at Sinai.

I came home to a "saccharomice" monster. Oh! it had taken over the cookie sheet, and then when I egged the outside it totally deflated. So now it's baking, and I'm willing to bet that it will be all sorts of stuck to the cookie sheet. Sigh.

I should have put it in the fridge to slow the rise. It's so obvious from this side of the situation.

Anyhow, I have to be back at sinai in nine hours so as soon as this is done baking, this kid's going to bed.

I totally have to make another one to redeem myself :(

The bail out

2008-09-24T12:10:00.002-05:00

*sorry if this is a little difficult to understand or non linear, I'm really thinking "outloud" here.*

So like many (I think most) Americans, I'm reading and listening about the bailout, and think....is this good or bad?

so I'm on a quest to understand what's happening, why it happened and what will happen. I have a friend who is a financial analyst who I'm sure understands this all so hopefully I'll get to ask him, in the meantime, the most illuminating explanation I've seen so far was Bill Clinton's on the Daily Show.

This is what I understand at this point, forgive any egregious errors and please feel free to correct them, I in no way stake any claim to any great understanding, and this is actually mostly gleaned from conversations that I've had and then my own logical pinning of things together, not research as such.

At the end of the economic boom of the 90's there was a surplus of cash in the economy and in order to create places to invest it the residential sector was expanded. To sell these homes more "unqualified buyers" were given loans at very high rates. These are high risk loans: the loanee's are less likely to pay them back (as per their history) but if they do pay them back the loaner stands to make a lot of money.

What happens next is that the banks sell their loans in bulk to other banks and investment companies. They sell the debt because it is better for them to have money in their pocket now, than to have potentially more money later, but the risk of having no money. Why would someone else buy high risk debt? This sounds really confusing but really we should look at it like any other investment: they pay x for the debt/investment and stand to make a great deal of interest if the loanee repays. The "if" has been turning out to be a bit of a problem. So what happens next is where things break down.

In mortgages there is a foreclosure clause, the collateral. This way the bank does not end up high and dry if their loan is not paid back, they repossess the house and the sell it themselves thus ideally making back the money that they have loaned. This is not ideal as they stand to make more money from the interest of being paid back, then from selling the house, but it's their security.

but now many people are not paying their loans back, does it pay to foreclose on all of these people? Well it seems like no, who's really in the market to buy a house these days? The cost of foreclosing on all of these people and then trying to sell all of these houses is too great for this I think. So what? all of these folks are defaulting on their loans, do we hit them up with higher interest rates thus making it harder for them to ever get out of debt, but increasing the investors chance of making their money back?

That's the whole thing with high risk investments, they're high risk for a reason, and these big investment companies stand to loose everything. A free market attitude would say, well they should lose everything. But looking at the bigger picture gets confusing.

The folks who bought up these loans are not necessarily the folks who own the debt. People who buy diversified funds (I think) own some of this debt, they trusted their investors/brokers to do this for them. They did not necessarily decide to buy these particular funds...I don't know.
It effects more people than made the decisions to buy up these loans.

The bailout:

We, the people of the United States of America lend the companies, and ultimately ourselves 700 billion dollars. LEND. I think that's the part that's evading some people. Ideally the treasury is not just giving banks et al 700 billion dollars, but making an investment. Hopefully an investment that will be paid back and ultimately cost the tax payers far less than 700 billion dollars. It sounds like if it's done wisely it will cost the tax payers about 100 billion dollars. That's still a lot of money. While I can conceive of a million dollars and what that means, it is difficult for me to conceive of a billion dollars and what that means, let alone 100 billion dollars.

(but it's a vicious circle yes? an investment on an investment, and a bad one at that)

So what happens if we do bail out? Foreclosures don't have to happen, eventually things are paid back, the government is re payed and there is greater oversight as to who is loaned what? It's not just a loan though, the government will take a greater interest in how the banks that they now "own" a part of operate.

If we don't bail out? There are lots of foreclosures, our money in the banks (over $100,000 the insuring policy changes but it can be more or less apparently? I actually have no idea) is not particularly safe. commodity prices continue to rise, salaries do not, (this can still happen with a bail out yes?)

Anyhow, there is clearly a place where I just stop understanding.

there are nagging questions though. Do the folks defaulting on their mortgages "deserve" to have their houses repossessed? Do the folks with their high risk investments "deserve" to loose all their money? All of this money that was invested...where is it now?

finally just a quick thought (Noel and I were talking about this) there is all this talk of the stock holder vs. the tax payer. Presumable all stock holders are tax payers, and some tax payers are stock holders, so these categories are not quite as mutually exclusive as debate makes them to be.

More hopefully when I get this explained to me.

answers to questions

2008-09-19T15:36:00.002-05:00

I have a bunch of questions that I needed to answer for a program that I'm applying for this summer. Here's where I've gotten thus far:

1. What technical developments have you made in the last year and what do you hope to improve on in the next two years?
The last year has been for me one of great growth vocally. I have always had no trouble producing a bright forward wound vocally, but I was not using my full voice. I've really made great strides this year integrating my head voice into my middle register, singing pure resonant vowels that incorporate my entire voice, and singing with my larynx down. Discovering how to sing with my larynx down without feeling like I'm swallowing a tennis ball or creating an artificial hootie sound has made singing go from being work, to being natural again. In the next two years I hope to be more consistent with my ability to produce this quality, workout the kinks with my singing of F natural, which is my larynx's Achilles heel, and really master the nuance of singing a true pianissimo with the full color of my voice.

2.What pieces in your current repertoire showcase your voice its best? Explain.
Historically my favorite and more representative piece to perform has been the LAudamus Te from Mozart's c minor Mass. It shows a breadth of range and the vocal agility that has always come so easily to me. It still shows all this, but I now have developed a depth of sound, or fullness of color that is better represented by some newer repertoire. Oh Quante Volte from Bellini's I Montechi e Capuleti combines passages requiring vocal agility with a beautiful vocal line. Chi il Bel Sogno di Doretta really highlights my improvement in singing line, ans the richer color of sound that I have developed.

3. What are your study/career goals over the next 5 years? (I feel like the question will get quite similar answers from all applicants)
I am interested in pursuing my master's degree in Vocal Performance. Since my undergraduate degree was strictly in Musicology and Music Theory, I think that there is much to be gained by attending a masters program. I am very invested in studying French, since I did not have the change to study it in college. I hope to start learning and performing roles for smaller local companies so that I can continue my growth as a performer. I hope to be able to participate in a few Young Artist Programs across the country. In five years I will be 28, and I hope to be in a position to be considered to participate in some of the country's most prestigious Young Artist Programs.

4.In what areas do you feel you need additional support or training in order to achieve said goals?
I need the most support and training in my stagecraft. Pursuing a rigorous academic degree I simply did not have the time nor opportunity to portray roles on stage. My timing, use of the stage, and embodiment of character have all been improving, but I certainly need more experience and steady guidance in the matter. I would also love to have the ability to study in Germany and France to really immerse myself in the languages since I find my overall interpretation of a piece is vastly improved with my comfort in the language.

5. Please tell us about an instance in which you struggled in a lesson or performance and the end result.
I can not think of a time when I truly struggled in a lesson, worked very hard or gotten frustrated, but not struggled. A performance where I struggled was my last year of college. I had a solo singing one of Shostakovich's Hebrew folk song, the problems were several fold.
The piece was devilishly difficult and I hadn't adequately learned it, I could not get the Russian in my mouth, and I was exhausted from several other performances. In the end I did not sing out of time or key with the organist, and the piece did not fall apart. Additionally the acoustics were such that the audience could barely understand well enunciated English. My disappointment was that I felt like I was singing with half of my voice the whole way through to make way for my brain to keep track of everything else. I have since made a point to never be as unprepared or uncomfortable with a piece when performing. I have also improved my ability to pace myself through periods of many vocal commitments.

6. Is there any other information you'd like us to have?
I'm out of answers for now, will consider this one.

onions and bagels

2008-09-19T00:01:00.002-05:00

two things:
firstly I found good Bagels in Chicago. It's not like I've been searching for them so there may be places with better, but the Potash Brother's Super Market has bagels that taste and feel like bagels. At least the one on State and Delaware does, I can't speak for the one on the 44th floor of the Hancock building or any of the others (if there are others).

Secondly I had a disastrous encounter with the onion that I was bent on turning into risotto. Oh man, I'm always sensitive to onions, but this was particularly bad. Even when I stepped outside it felt like my eyes were burning out of my head. I had to run my eye balls under the faucet. Bad news.

the news

2008-09-18T09:47:00.004-05:00

you know, there are some mornings when you really regret reading the news.
Oil back up $10
banks doing Really poorly
stock market down the fed. reserve bailing out banks....free market compromised? the reserve still has money? what about government bonds?
Hurricane destroyed (that freaks me out less because it's a natural disaster, there was nothing we could have done about that)
international news is not too much better. between Yemen and Georgia, Thailand is maybe getting better? ::sigh::
Honestly all of this makes me wish I lived in a smaller apartment, and that I didn't have to go places this year.
At least it's incredibly beautiful outside!

I got busy

2008-09-14T00:27:00.002-05:00

I mean...um...things somehow got really busy, suddenly all sneaky like. I really should change the title of this post ::sigh::

What the! so busy. I was just going along and suddenly I realized that I have a ton of stuff on my plate. yikes yikes yikes!

breath

Singing a publicity recital for Pirates tomorrow. The other Mabel was supposed to do it, but she has strep. Rehearsals for show and recital of composed work on Monday. Rehearsal for high holidays on Tuesday. Babysit Wednesday. I need to prepare a recording for summer program applications which start being due in about two weeks. I need to get recs for grad school. I need to decide where precisely I'm applying to grad school. Choose "my five" (I'm actually super excited about what I'm working on right now!)

I have the high holidays, the show, and a recital all in the same two weeks. Any bets on what illness I come down with after all that? I'll start a pot.

Also, need to stay on toes about competitions. Must. Not. Let. Any. Deadlines. Go. Unnoticed.

actually that's not so bad. Well if you take out the grad school part. The rest isn't so bad. Except I was just handed five pounds of music to learn for the high holidays. (you know things are bad when you're measuring things in pounds).

freak out done. Going to bed so can be fabulous for publicity thing tomorrow.

Dreams

2008-09-12T09:38:00.005-05:00

As some of you may be (painfully) aware, I have rather fantastic(in the traditional sense of the word) dreams. I have frequently been tempted to start a dream journal, but it would just be too complicated. What really makes my dreams are the image, for instance what really made my dream the other night was that while following someone though a garden in front of the library in my home town I saw these fantastic piture plants. They were giant and bright green like lily pads with a diameter of almost a foot, they looked like up-side-down bells but half full of water. Really I'd want to paint that to explain it. Or another part of that dream was the sensation of walking across a muddy shore (I find the closer to waking up I am, the harder it is to move in dreams, it's like my body realizes that it can't move in real life and translates that into my dream)

Last night, or this morning, I had a swashbuckling dream. Maiden falls in love with hero, but hero is a bit of an anti-hero. She loves him, and even has some ill advised moments with him behind a dresser, but is taken away from him by her fiercely ethnic family (Greek? Italian? Jewish? who knows!) Some shenanigans later she is going up an elevator, that is slightly reminiscent of the rickety elevator in National Treasure, so read a period elevator for the setting of the dream, which is....swashbuckling times. Her beloved rigs the elevator such that instead of dropping her off at the party she's going to it takes her to the top floor of the building, which is built around a court yard type open place in the middle (sort of like the open places in the Marshall Fields). The hero leaps and swings across knocking her in. She grabs at the edge and I pull her out (thought I was her didn't you!) she tries to make up with the hero but he is taken away, by pirates? (my brain was convinced that this was the plot of the Pirates of Penzance, so he was Frederic and she was Mabel)

cut to bread being spread with a thick goo, a bit like really soft lard, and one small part on top being covered in rhubarb jam. Camera zooms out. The "bread" is giant and our hero lies down on it like a bed. It is in a green house. Maiden, who I am now perceiving in first person, comes to the outside of the green house. She is equally confused as the reader is with the situation, until she realizes that this is the hero's punishment, he is being poisoned to death with this substance, which she now realizes is lye. She goes to the glass and begs him why! why did he put her in such peril. He confesses that he thought that she did not love him, which is now seen to be a great misunderstanding. They kiss through the glass, he lies down on his bed of lye, and she leaves weeping.

my thought waking up, sometimes the Pirates of Penzance can't end happily.

What I can't give you here, and why I usually don't write down my dreams, are the images. I have very visually complex dreams. There are dreamscapes that I never forget, and there are dream scapes that I sometimes return to in other dreams. That is always weird because I usually realize it at some point in the dream.

So I wish I was a painter, because I have no lack of places to paint. Or perhaps just a better story teller. That would do.

Journey

2008-09-11T23:12:00.002-05:00

has the amazing ability to make you feel nostalgic. We were listening to it as we drove up Halsted and there I was:

Oh Cake building, why isn't your cake lit up tonight? Is it because Sears Tower is shrouded by clouds? Ah Chicago, how magnificent you are! I live in such a great place, even in cloudy humidity you are a glorious city. Look at that architecture!

My! to be nostalgic for the place you are. I guess that's not terrible.

some musings

2008-09-07T22:14:00.003-05:00

I ride the CTA a lot, especially now that I have rehearsals in Evanston several times a week. This means I spend quite a bit of time sitting in uncomfortable chairs, with too much sound in my ears reading. Today however I did quite a bit of writing rather than reading. So I figured that I would share some of my musings with you, in no particular order, an incomplete in certain instances, for better or worse.

~Love: as I stated in rehearsal the other night turns you into a goon. There's really nothing to do about it. Love defies all reason and consequently renders those inhabited by it unreasonable.

~Sometimes I'm amazed that people can ever successfully fall in love with each other. There needs to be an awful lot of aligning of circumstances, both parties seem to need to be interested in the other at the same time. The chances of this happening seem obscenely low. Yet virtually everyone falls in love; were programmed for it. And things aren't as neat as I have outlined above. Frequently one falls in love with the other long before the other has any idea. People fall in and out of love, their paths cross, diverge, and intersect again. Love is a "many splendid thing" but it causes just as much strife as it causes pleasure. Though it is apparently all worth it.

~Love of God: another thing entirely, something that ought not even have the same name. Love is multifaceted. Love of family, friend, lover, child and God can not in anyway be claimed to be the same thing. The Greeks even had different words to delineate them all.

~We are taught that if we love God first and foremost, that our love for each other will be enriched, better than than we could possibly imagine it otherwise. I strikes me that loving God
is an ultimate act of faith, for it is most difficult to love something of which you have no proof and no necessary guarantee of reciprocation that you will be able to comprehend. Perhaps this is why loving God makes your love for others grater, because if you can love God, you can certainly love that which you can see and those to whom you can speak.

~The only direction we should face is forwards. That's where tomorrow is. That's where all the good things are. Nothing good lies behind us, not if we turn that way at least. If you face forwards supported by what's behind you, you'll go. You'll see from the top of that pile of yesterdays. But facing backwards you can't see anything. You'll just be blinded. Blinded as you fall into tomorrow not even realizing that you're there. And if you don't realize that you're there, no one else will either.

Rev. Peyton's Big Damn Band

2008-09-06T11:36:00.002-05:00

After making a resolution about a week ago to try to hang out with my girlfriends more often, Meg, Abby and I went to the House of Blues last night to see Rev. Peyton's Big Damn Band. Meg had suggested it, she had seen them down in Santa Fe this summer and was super excited about it. I love bluegrass and certainly can't say no to Meg's enthusiasm, so it was on!

I was not prepared for the level of awesome that I was about to experience. Everything was about as I expected as we came in. The House of Blues is a pretty neat place, it somehow has more than one venue in the same building, which does make for some aural confusion, but not enough to make the experience any less that it should have been. The opening act was fairly typical to what you'd expect, perhaps not the most inspired, but a fun bluegrass band. Then after what I would call a pregnant pause between acts Rev. Peyton's Big Damn Band came on stage.

The band itself comprises of the Rev. Peyton playing guitar, his wife playing the washboard and his brother on the drums. I would not be able to conceive of the washboard being played with such vigor and be such an amazing instrument or the guitar played so fast and emphatically that you could have in fact sworn that there was an other melodic instrument on stage.

But enough analysis, it was so fun! The music was great, the crowd was fun, it was loud and you wanted it to be. The only concern of the night was when the loud dance party upstairs got out of hand a few times; we could not only hear the floor above us creaking, but see it move up and down, significantly. But we're not on the news so all is well!

interesting...

2008-09-05T12:07:00.000-05:00

analysis of teh intarwebs as we know it.

a little frustrated

2008-09-05T10:59:00.002-05:00

I'm sort of a ball of anxiety these past few days. Not in the productive way, no, no! The complete opposite. I've found it utterly impossible to get things done (though I did mail some claims to my insurance, and I'm basically memorized for the show, and I've started my list of places to apply this summer) but otherwise I've been knocking around, completely unproductively, and worrying about it.

For instance; I've spent quite a great deal of time fretting about the fact that I have not practiced in over a week, though I certainly could have used that time to practice. I am the queen of procrastination, that is for sure. I did make some delicious raw sauce this week, and last week I made hot and sour soup, hunan beef and a variety of vegetables; but that is the entire summation of the cooking I've done in the last few weeks. Don't ask me what I've been eating the other nights, I'm sure I don't know.

Today I couldn't find my camera before going to work, which is concerning as there are only a few places I put it, and the last time I saw it was last Friday at work, but it's not at work, I know because I'm here. But I'm not overly concerned because my living space is an utter disaster, so it's likely that it is there.

So there blawgity blawg blawg. I've been meaning to post about the way that I conceptualize music when I listen to it verses when I sing it with music, verses when I sing it memorized. So maybe I'll get around to that.

Ah! a bit of Vacation!

2008-08-24T21:41:00.004-05:00

I was off for a little over a week with my family and friends in the eastern upper peninsula of MI. We had fabulous weather, we all had a great time, and ate great food. So. I took some pictures, and they turned out pretty nicely. I will share some with you now:

rocks the glaciers left

fire and the lake at dusk

sailboat on a blustery afternoon

"just like the Caribbean except 30 degrees colder and the coral reef is several million years older" -Dad

I can't believe how well this shot came out

over the bounty main!

yes this is in front of our house!

so yeah. jealous? I'm pretty pleased to have had such a fabulous week. I'm also pleased to be starting Pirate's rehearsals, the folks seem like they're going to be great!

Year Twenty-three

2008-08-11T17:44:00.002-05:00

It is my intention to be productive, goal driven, and not distracted by romantic relationships this year.

Goals:
1. Be at least one production. I'm off to a good start, I'm Singing Mabel in the Pirates of Penzance in October....so get another Embly.
2. Apply and get into a summer program for 2009. Applications due late Sept. --> Oct.
3. Win a competition. Hefty goal.
4. Apply to Grad school. Get in. Then decide if I want to go.
5. Blog at least once weekly to be accountable for these goals.,
6. Give a recital, other than the one of Michael Thorn's music in October.
7. Stay in touch with all my friends who are far away on an individual level. Write letters?
8. Learn how to knit or crochet, I need busy hands.
9. Run three times a week ALL YEAR LONG.
10. Mail Christmas cards BEFORE Christmas.
11. Make myself as useful and productive as possible at work - Tricia is a great boss and deserves my A-game.
12. Collaborate with someone in a musical capacity.

How to Achieve these goals:
1. Audition for productions. work on being still, giving polished auditions and expressive presentations.
2. Firstly, apply, many of the above apply here. Chose "my five" for auditions, coach them, know them
3. Practice. Confidence. Practice.
4. see 1,2 &3, get brilliant recommendations.
5. I don't know how I'll accomplish this. Will withhold treats from self? No. We all know I can't withhold treats from myself.
6. Research music, pick venue, ask Roger to play. Set a date so I have to do it.
7. These people are important to me, hopefully this will be easy.
8. Buy yarn and needles, then if I don't learn I'll feel guilty.
9. I might need to get new sneakers, other than that I don't do a terrible job of this now, just keep on with personal accountability.
10. be prepared.
11. Set small goals for each week.
12. I have some things in the works for this.

stupid...

2008-08-06T11:43:00.002-05:00

So I'm being a complete baby, and I've been whining about this all morning, but I dropped a pile of really heavy books on my finger. My dictionary, my Music Theory text book, a book on Beethoven by Lewis Lockwood and a few others. They were all very big, heavy, hard back books.
Anyhow
my finger really hurts, and is misshapen, and could possibly be broken.
There now I've whined to the intarwebs.
It really hurts.
luckily for most people I've been whimpering mostly quietly to myself, pouts aren't something you should wear outside.

Intergovernmental Panel on Human Nature?

2008-08-04T13:41:00.002-05:00

So I just got through reading an article which at one point poses the question "Should there be an Intergovernmental Panel on Human Nature?" The aspect of human nature that they happen to be discussing is the tendency to procrastinate until the breaking point of a problem before we fix it. But that's not what I want to discuss; I want to discuss what an Intergovernmental Panel on Human Nature would be, because...what?

Now human nature is one of those nebulous concepts that can be called upon on whim to "bolster" an argument. This is one of my least favorite writing tricks, since human nature can be called in for almost any argument. "It is Human Nature that one might assume that ramifications of an action are only the concern of Others and never of the Self." (capitals added for necessary pretension) So fine, that particular sentence was designed to illustrate my point, and is therefore meaningless, but my argument still stands.

What is human nature anyway? It has this ability to be whatever the author conveniently needs it to be. An intergovernmental panel therefore would study ways in which to create a human nature that a government desires? or would it work to try to create tricks to get around human nature?

In connection with the article it would somehow try to find ways to motivate people to be concerned immediately and locally about slow moving global issues, specifically, for this article, climate change.

What do you all think about the concept of an Intergovernmental Panel on Human Nature?

Twelve tone infomercial

2008-07-31T22:06:00.001-05:00

Dr. Horrible

2008-07-31T09:06:00.001-05:00

for the one person reading that doesn't already watch Dr. Horrible: do.

learning

2008-07-29T21:05:00.002-05:00

I've been teaching a little boy how to play recorder for what is edging up upon a year now, as many of you know, he is an ornery little guy, a regular pain in the buttinski as my mom would say. Nonetheless he's a sweet kid. We came upon a break through just yesterday that sort of blew my mind.

I've always known about different sorts of learning, I am for the most part an aural learner....I think (?) . If I'm paying attention I'll remember most everything that I'm told, of course the trick there is the "if I'm paying attention" but still, I remember things like conversations. But it's still hard to wrap your head around the fact that people learn in different ways.

My student is going into the first grade next year, he's young for his grade so I don't think that he turns six until later in the year. I have been teaching him mostly things by wrote and imitation. I play something, he copies me, I finger things while he plays etc. He really struggles though, so I have all year been slowly acclimating him to the idea of written music, how it works how to write it and other complicated things that I wanted to introduce him to but don't expect him to fully get for another few years.

Yesterday I decided to have a little experiment. We took some written music and we sang through it on letter names, then with finger numbers and then I asked him to play it. BAM! did it. so I did it again today, except just singing letter names no finger numbers, the kid totally got it! He's a visual learner of sorts! It was really exciting and gratifying.

We'll still do somethings by ear because it's good to stretch the part of your mind that you're less comfortable with, but wow! It was incredible. I'm really glad because now when we work hard it is with results.

We still have to seriously work on his memory and his sense of pitch....

summer in chicago

2008-07-28T09:40:00.006-05:00

Chicago is really the greatest sort of town to be in come summer time. That is of course if you overlook humidity and stifling heat come late July-August. You will never never be at a loss of things to do, really it's a matter of choosing what cool free thing to do.
I went to venetian night on Saturday, this is an event where boats parade through Monroe Harbor all decorated with lights and other props like floats in a land parade, there is then a big firework show that's coordinated with music. It's pretty cool, one of those things that if you live here you should do at least once. Here are some that I got good pictures of.

a venetian inspired boat

swing dancing on a boat

what you can't see clearly here is that this boat says it's blooming Daley and there is a picture of Daley shooting water out of his mouth...the picture is of Daley, the water's real!
Also the Buckingham fountain is all lit up and fabulous:

Pink Floyd

2008-07-10T16:28:00.005-05:00

How have I not listened to Pink Floyd knowingly until today? How did I not know I liked them? crazy.

Anyhow I have good news! And resultant bad news:

if you can't tell that's a giant blister on my left pinky. It happens when you play a stringed instrument for the first time in a while

Mosquitoes

2008-07-07T14:11:00.003-05:00

My first spring in Chicago I was pleasantly surprised by how few mosquitoes there were. Far fewer than in Connecticut, especially near the river.

However this year we have many more than usual because, we've had a ton of rain that has simply not had anywhere to drain off to. Pictures are from this morning

I could not fall asleep last night, firstly I was warm, secondly I was itchy, and thirdly there was a mosquito in my room. I did the whole lie very still wait for it to land and then strike, but was entirely unsuccessful. I finally decided forget it! I'll just fall asleep and deal with the mosquito bites tomorrow.

Poo. This is one of those times when today Embly really resents yesterday Embly. My left forearm alone there are 11 bites, and that is not including three on my pinky knuckle or any other hand bites. Ms. Mosquito, surely you could have just bitten once and gotten sated with my blood in one go.

I'll get back to posting about music and singing one of these days. It has been going quite well actually, but apparently I don't write about deep things anymore.

Independence!

2008-07-04T09:10:00.002-05:00

The Mid-west truly is different than the North East, where I grew up, in a lot of ways. I'm not sure that Ryan's complaints of general rudeness ring true with me, but then I was an insider in that culture rather than a new-comer. And any comments about terrible directions are true, there is a definite sense of, well, if they don't know how to get there, then surely they don't deserve to get there. However the difference that I want to talk about and was really struck with actually for the first time last year on the fourth of July, was the fireworks.

We had gone to Indiana to spend the day with Mia's folks last year, and drove back at dark. I had been sad that I hadn't seen any fireworks shows, but I shouldn't have been, the sky was literally illuminated in all directions by fireworks flying over the roof tops. I have never seen so many everywhere at once. I guess in Connecticut they are just a little more illegal.

This year I decided to go see the fireworks downtown in Chicago, last year we watched them from the point, and it was absolutely disappointing, because they were about 7 miles away, rendering them puny and silent. So this year, since I knew that I could walk home (eventually) if the crowds were terrible, I decided to do it.

I had read that they were expecting over a million folks to show up last night, and boy were they ever right. I got off the blue line, and entered a sea of people. Alex and I made our way slowly through Grant Park, wrestled through the Taste, which had added an extra layer of impossible to everything, and get to the lake, where we sat on a hill and waited.

And waited. Why does everything always start late? Finally they started after teasing us a few times with some "test shots" at 9:50, only 20 minutes behind schedule. It was so worth it though! Standing right there at the water's edge at Monroe Harbor, the fireworks were huge, and shook you when they exploded. It was really a great show, lots of really pretty explody things that I wish I knew how they got them to work, like how'd they get a heart shape in a circle?

Then of course it was over and it was a game of trodding out with the masses. I made Alex guess how long it would take us to get from the lake shore to Michigan Ave. he guessed 45 minutes, it took us 20! It was needless to say absolutely nuts, it was finally walkable past Dearborn, and then Alex estimated that about a third of the people dropped off after every intersection after that, and finally past Union Station everything was all cleared up. Alex caught the bus at Halsted, and I hurried on home the rest of the way. I did try to catch the bus, but everything was all full up.

All in all it took me an hour and twenty minutes to get home from the moment the fireworks stopped to walking in the front door, a time that I'm not convinced that could have been decreased by the use of public transportation.

Israel

2008-07-03T13:24:00.004-05:00

I usually leave the food pictures for the other blog, but this was art, so there!

We had Yotam and Alex over for dinner last weekend for pizza, Mia made some fantastic dough and Yotam mastered the art of throwing pizza.

Then as Yotam was staring at a piece of pizza he was struck by genius, there it was, Israel. With only a slight change it was Israel replete with West bank and Gaza strip.

organized pluralism

2008-06-24T11:48:00.002-05:00

I have now sung at a Unitarian Universalist church on a number of occasions, and I have to admit that I have become less and less clear as to what exactly Unitarianism is. I brought this up to my father, his response was "I was raised going to a Unitarian Church and I'm still unclear as to what it's all about". My dad also jokes "What does the Unitarian KKK burn on people's front lawns? A question mark."

On a more serious note however, this is what I've ascertained: the UU's are trying to create a pluralistic community that wished to be faithful/spiritual together. The closest that I can come to liturgy is Humanism.

This embrace of pluralism and humanism leads to some great things; respect, tolerance, and most important social action. I mean the former two in the broadest sense, as there is a tremendous emphasis on respecting the earth as well as fellow human beings. They have actually, Incorporated many Native American ideals into their worship, flowing waters, trees etc.

Anyhow I am a true proponent of pluralism in its purest form. Not relativism, not absolutism, pluralism; it appears to be the only way that we can live not only in a global community but in our more local communities as well.

:)

2008-06-23T13:23:00.000-05:00

I don't think I really need to say anything.

No Words

2008-06-20T16:37:00.002-05:00

To Whom it May Concern;

2008-06-18T17:40:00.002-05:00

I am applying for the position of Research Assistant as advertised on the University's website. I am well qualified for for this job because, as you can see by my resume, I already have this job.

I understand that maybe I'll get benefits by re-applying for my job, as this is the case I am more than happy to jump through all sorts of hoops for the promise of benefits and, as I see by the description, a pay raise.

I have a years experience creating on-line catalogues, proof editing music, and doing assundry scanning and copying. I am especially good at mailing things over seas. I am entirely up-to-date with all the drama concerning our old publisher and our new publisher. I work well both alone and with co-workers, I would not complain if you need me to work in Italy with Daniella for a period of time.

As you can see my references are my bosses, you should ask them any questions regarding my work, writing ability, or interpersonal skills.

I hope to speak with you soon!
Miss, Emblies

Tick update

2008-06-17T21:12:00.002-05:00

I found another tick today as I got in the shower, it was on my belly, I tweezered that sucker out.

I'm pretty sure that the low fever that I have (99.1) this evening is completely unrelated to the tick, for the following reasons.

1. It takes usually closer to 7 days for any effects to take place with Lyme disease.

2. I had a busy long day that started with an early flight back to Chicago and included work, a run, and the acquisition of some excellent chairs from Goodwill.

The only question I have right now is, do they mean the expiration date on Amoxicillin? I know that some drug expiration dates are for real and some are for play. I have an 8 day course of Amoxicillin in my cabinet, but the prescription date was October 2005....

five ticks

2008-06-15T22:32:00.002-05:00

I had five deer ticks on me after tromping through fields looking for wild strawberries, rather fruitlessly (ha!)

That is positively the record for number of ticks I've had on me at once, they looked like perhaps they were baby ticks so maybe I tromped through a nest? Hey and five may not be all there are, that was on my ankles and legs, I haven't even checked more unmentionable regions for ticks yet!

Happy Father's day!

Belated Don Giovanni review

2008-05-28T09:33:00.005-05:00

Mia and I have been to two of the three operas that Chicago Opera Theater is producing this spring. We'll go see Orlando next week but for now I'll give a long over due review of their production of Mozart's Don Giovanni (Diana Paulus, Jane Glover); the only Mozart opera produced in Chicago this season.

I'm sure that most of you have read Mia's reactions to the production, my reactions were not as violent, but I still think that they made some serious mistakes. The production was set in what appears to be a strip club that Don Giovanni owns, this means that the stage was full of hot writhing girl bodies essentially constantly. One of the problems here was that the chorus played the strippers -- let me tell you -- aspiring opera singers: not great pole dancers. Not that I have a basis of comparison really.

The first mistake in my mind was the portrayal of Donna Anna's rape. She was masked and in the club, and the way it was staged (sparkly golden curtain, lots of laughter) made it seem complicit. The only place that you see something is going wrong is that Don Giovanni removes her mask (and therefore her honor?) but not his own. We're also not clear as it happens that the man who defends her is her father. You really think that he's another lover, or her pimp or something. Honestly, what is a father doing in a club with is daughter anyway? Either way it leaves the audience with out the pity and heart break that they are supposed to feel for Donna Anna. The woman was raped and then her father was killed by the man who raped her. Of course she's messed up! Here however she just comes across as whiny because we don't get the magnitude of what happened.

The second mistake I think they made is related to my comment about the dancing girls: they were alway on stage. There was just too much going on at all times, I needed fewer things happening so I could focus. During Leporello's aria listing the Don's conquests, they had girls holding numbers. Really this sort of gimmick added nothing and just cluttered the stage.

The third mistake I thought they made was in the casting of Masetto. He was just too good looking, you don't really get why Zerlina goes off with this creepy older fellow. Masetto should be cast as sort of bumbling and foolish. Here he was certainly hot headed, but handsome enough to forgive.

Finally I want to have a discussion of the ending. I don't count the ending as a mistake. Normally after the Don descends to hell all of the characters sing about how those who are evil get what's coming to them and are joyous because they are rid of a terrible influence in their lives. In this production all of the characters are singing and the police are investigating and they come and handcuff all who were trying to prove that the Don was an evil guy. He certainly was, but as they're arrested you have to pause remind yourself that none of the characters have been particularly "good" in their actions. I liked this. Then the curtain to the upper part of the stage is lifted and you see Don Giovanni hanging, covered in blood with a ball gag in his mouth. So you're left wondering, what was the falling to hell scene? Did they all band together and murder him in a sick and twisted way and the commodore taking him to hell was what? At that point it was just too much visual stimulus. There had been too many negative sexual tropes and too much violence for the audience to be shocked out of their seats. It was almost insult to injury at that point.

So the ending was well thought out but poorly executed. In fact I would say that this is my analysis for the entire show, except for the Donna Anna thing, that was poorly thought out.

Dear Work Computer;

2008-05-27T11:50:00.003-05:00

It is my sad duty to inform you that we are no longer friends. Our relationship started out as a hopeful one, full of promise, these hopes were, however, swiftly dashed.

Our relationship has been tenuous, to say the least, for quite some time, but today really signaled the end of all favorable efforts on your part.

Normally I deem it unnecessarily cruel to list the short coming of whose who I am, or have been close to, however it seems best -- so you know just where we went awry -- for me to mention them in no uncertain terms.

I have two chief complaints: The first being your persistent refusal to find local wireless internet to which to connect. This would be understandable if I brought you to remote locations, however not finding wireless in my own home is simply offending. The second and greater complaint is of your frequent and inexplicable need to go blank in the midst of doing something. Today alone this occurred three times, and you never give any explanation. I have noticed that this happens after the system hibernates, but that is what you were designed to do.

All this to say that I will no longer defend your actions. They are unprovoked and unnecessary. I hope that we are able to continue working together in a productive fashion and that we both can work on our professional attitudes towards the other.

Regards;
Miss Emblies

some kind of sample

2008-05-23T14:43:00.002-05:00

I was reading an interesting article in the NYTimes yesterday about the six different tribes of bacteria that live on the insides of your elbows. It was all information that didn't surprise me, but was interesting to read about. According to the article the type of bacteria that lives there is fairly consistent from person to person. Again interesting but not shocking. I then read that this person's sample size was five people. (If I misunderstood the article the rest of this post is completely worthless).

Five people? Your sample size was only five people. Surely you know more than five people who wouldn't mind having a swab of their inner elbow taken. Wouldn't you want more samples before stating something about the consistency of the type of bacteria tribes from person to person?

wouldn't you want to know if someone half way around the globe has the same bacteria growing on them? I think that would be interesting to find out. All of this isn't that hard.

Anyhow this discovery is part of a larger project to find out what bacteria live in the human ecosystem, which is very cool.

Monkey Journey to the West

2008-05-22T14:01:00.003-05:00

This seems really cool.

yes it's an opera.

yes the site is beautiful.

yes, the composer's one of the guy's behind the Gorillaz.

I'm pretty excited by the entire concept! Now to get to the Spoleto festival to see it...

doesn't it seem awesome?

I think it's kind of ridiculously awesome

Encore!

2008-04-23T10:34:00.002-05:00

There was a time in history that, if the audience demanded it, a diva or divo would sing a stellar aria again, even if it were in the middle of an opera. In fact there are cases where they would repeat the piece three or possibly four times if desired.

This has fallen out of favor in most opera houses as they have been trying to be more conscientious about performance practice, and try to give an upper hand to stage craft and telling a story. Many opera houses have gone so far as to ban the practice, and it has gotten to the point that the audience would not even think to demand/expect an encore. In fact I rarely even hear "encore!" or "bis!" yelled after an aria. Some times a "bravo!" or "brava!" but never the former two.

However it is still done! Monday at the Met it was in fact planned for (which is necessary if you're going to pull it off). Again Juan Diego Florez has taken opera stardom and stepped it up to where it once was! I love it! (I'm also still bummed about not seeing him this year at the Lyric, so I can see what the fuss is about)

I'm excited to see a small return to the feeling that opera should be thrilling, because it should be! Scholarship is great, and makes us better musicians, and creates better performances, and respect of the work of a whole is noble. But we mustn't get too stuffy!

The rules...

2008-04-21T09:51:00.002-05:00

This week is Passover, which is one of my favorite holidays of the year. I find it to be the most meaningful, and has the best present day traditions as well. I won't go into more that that now, but I'm sure I could.

I was in the grocery store yesterday, picking up some things for dinner and there at the little kosher for Passover table I picked up and looked at a box of Kosher for Passover brownie mix. I was looking at the ingredients, the normal things that you would expect, matzah meal instead of flour, potato starch, chocolate....sodium bicarbonate....wait.

Sodium Bicarbonate? That's leavening. That is leavening. Sodium bicarbonate is baking soda, who's purpose is to make your brownies fluffy. So clearly (in my mind at least) it is strictly off limits for anything that is Kosher for Passover.

When did the rules become, no grain products rather than no leaven foods. To me eating brownies with sodium bicarbonate in them ever if they are made with matzah meal made under the strictest rabbinical direction just doesn't make any sense! It's some giant loop hole that just doesn't add up.

So you have to sit down and think about why we don't eat leaven food during Passover. The Jews left Egypt in haste, and had not the time to let their bread rise and to commemorate this we don't eat bread with leavening. "For seven days no yeast is to be found in your houses. And whoever eats anything with yeast in it must be cut off from the community of Israel, whether he is an alien or native-born. Eat nothing made with yeast. Wherever you live, you must eat unleavened bread." (Exodus 12:19-20)

OK looking at this it strictly says nothing with yeast. But is also says unleavened. To be fair baking soda was not a prevalent factor in Biblical times, but its purpose is solely leavening (and cleaning?), so in my mind it's definitely out. It is very interesting to me that the rules have sort have been distorted to nothing with grain in it unless the grain was matzah first.

Are we really trying to re-create the experience of wandering in the desert? if so I can think of a lot of food we would not eat: Brisket, Matzah ball soup, etc...Also in the desert if they found (at an oasis) wild rice, they clearly would have eaten it. We don't stop eating leaven food to punish ourselves, but to be conscious for an entire week of the Passover story, and what God did for the Jewish people. I guess that perhaps eating mediocre brownies from a box made with matzah meal might make someone conscious of this as well. But really. It's just a week. Eat ice cream for dessert, though they certainly did not have that in the desert.

what!? I can't hear you!

2008-04-20T11:24:00.002-05:00

check out this article from today's NYtimes.

It's strange to think about musician's in an orchestra having to worry about their hearing. It makes sense. I've stood behind the horn section in concerts and even that's loud, but as many of the musicians point out, ear plugs or screens make playing incredibly hard.

I guess this article brings up the same confusion in me that the idea that the delicious chocolate smells in Chicago are pollution. I mean it's delicious smelling, but I guess that if it were another less delicious smell as strong in the neighborhood, people would be up in arms about pollution.

Earthquake!

2008-04-18T16:51:00.003-05:00

I must conclude that earthquakes only happen in the small hours of the morning. I have somehow experienced two earthquakes in the last 6 or 7 years while living in Connecticut and Illinois, both woke me up in the early hours of the morning.

Now according to the New York Times it's not actually surprising that Illinois would get an earthquake...we're apparently on a fault. I had no idea.

The first one was in high school. I distinctly remember thinking that my brother was making a ruckus and he thought that I was doing the same. So when the room shook I yelled"Evan!" and he yelled "Emily!". So that was good. I also remember Sarah telling me that she had been dreaming about a raccoon in her room and therefore assumed the shaking was "just the raccoon under my bed". Yup I'm usually pretty calm when it's "just the raccoon under my bed" too.

This time I knew immediately what was going on. I think it was slightly more violent than the one in CT. There were people in the street trying to figure out what was going on. Well I can only assume that's why they were in the street. I just looked at my clock to find out that it was 4:35 and went back to sleep where I promptly had very strange dreams.

But the dreams aren't news really.

Famous?

2008-04-02T16:51:00.002-05:00

I've decided that if my goal is to be famous (I'm trying to sing opera, so this is not really a priority) I want to be able to go on Sesame Street. I think that's a good use of someone's famous.

Speaking of famous opera singers, my boss is attending Juan Diego Florez's high profile wedding down in Peru....um cool!

In less cool news because my boss is going to be in Chicago for only a day after this, I've been scanning microfilm for a replacement aria in Il Barbieri (Manca un Foglio). (Ironically Barbieri was the show that JDF just pulled out of at the Lyric Opera of Chicago due to a throat infection. Too bad it would have been cool to see him)

I can sing high...and low

2008-03-25T14:21:00.002-05:00

so yesterday in my lesson I sang a C3, and a F6, with in minutes of each other.
ummm so an F6 is the one the queen of the night sings above the staff.
and a C3 is the one that's the second space in the bass clef.
I've definitely always known that I can sing low, and my teachers have always told me that I'll "get" the F soon. But sheesh.
My teacher said that something must be wrong with me (haha) because most singers have a three octave range, and I just sang three octaves and a fourth.
She also commented how awsome it would be if someone with my size voice sang the queen of the night. It would actually be scary. Usually the women who sing the queen of the night are teeny teeny women, so you're all like "oh no the queen of the night is coming scary...oh wait hello wee one, are you trying to frighten me?
Anyhow it'll be a long time before I feel ok performing either of those extremes

winter has not left

2008-03-21T15:03:00.004-05:00

I woke up this morning and noticed that it was very gray, not surprising nor particularly concerning. I then looked out the window and exclaimed out loud "oh man!" (in the less than thrilled fashion). After pretending that it was spring briefly it is winter and snowing. I'm not surprised, but I had stopped wearing a hat, something I was really sad about yesterday.

Yesterday was Maundy Thursday, a day that I did not know existed before I was asked to sing for the service. In the Passion story, I think that what happens on Maundy Thursday is the most intriguing to me. I think it is because Christ is begging God the Father to not let this happen. He is fearful. I'm not going to write a ton more on this except for that I find that really fascinating and far more powerful than what happens on Good Friday. On Good Friday all that he predicts goes down. I'm far more interested in the prediction I think.

I've seen two operas at the Lyric recently. The first was Tchaikovsky's Eugene Onegin. The production was really lovely, leaves all over the stage. They really focus the story on Onegin and his struggles rather than on the melodrama of Tatyana the girl who falls for him. Beautiful overall, the choral work was good, and the orchestra was great!

After as I was hopelessly waiting for the bus to arrive (it seems to always take forever after the opera) I saw Dimitri Hvorostovsky walk swiftly by, silver coat, red scarf, collar up. Following him were two girls about my age "Mr. Hvorostovsky!" He stopped and autographed a number of people's programs. I was tempted but couldn't bring my self to do that. It was cool though.

I also recently saw Il Barbieri di Siviglia this week. Again I really enjoyed the production, the sets and costumes were based on Magritte paintings which was really cool. There was a nice mention on our critical edition in the program (it was of course written by my big boss, he wrote the notes for the La Traviata program as well). I thought the ornaments were both tasteful and really exciting, a combination that is difficult to achieve!

I'm sick :(

2008-03-01T19:40:00.003-06:00

Not really sick just the beginning of a head cold, but sick none-the-less.

Now this is the same cold, presumably, that my brother had all last week and skied through. So it's not a super bad cold (though I hear he has it back this week). But I have a fairly important audition on Monday. So it's been not very exciting here for me!

I've been feeling this come one for a few days now, I've been feeling like I've been bludgeoned, I've just been slow hurting and tired. And my voice has been feeling like I've been pushing it to the edge more frequently. Last time I sang in a lesson and it hurt, I got sick very shortly after that, so I've sort of been expecting this.

Of course that doesn't make it suck any less. So lots and lots of liquids for me, and vitamin C. As long as the cold stays in my head I really don't care. I can sing through a head cold all day long...well not really it still is unfortunate, it's that I really don't want it to settle into my throat. I don't have any singer tricks to share with you about how I do that, because I don't know any.

Anyhow it'll be a movie with lots to drink and bed for me, and then tomorrow I'll be up early to sing at church (I have a semi-permanent gig out in Hinsdale filling in for an ailing section leader/soloist!) and then I'll come back and take it easy all day. I'll probably warm up some and perhaps run through my songs to reinforce my Thursday coaching, but I'll just really really hope that my voice will take care of itself by not being used and be there for me on Monday!

Skiing and Flying

2008-02-28T18:01:00.002-06:00

I think that someone once described skiing to me as the closest someone can come to flying. I certainly can understand the sentiment, the speed and the rushing through the air gives it a flying sensation. However I think that I am more aware of the ground when I am skiing than I ever am. Your success or failure as a skier is entirely based upon your ability to read and react to the mountain.

There are two basic types of skiing: times when you are owning the mountain, and times when the mountain is owning you. The trick to skiing well is to make the mountain do the work for you. there is no question when you're skiing well, the bumps pop you knees up and turn your legs for you. When you're skiing poorly you hit the troughs hard and you can't keep your edges on the mountain.

Either way you are acutely aware of your feet and their interaction with the ground. My first run of the season cruising down Redtail at Beaver Creek (map), I remembered just how fast skiing is and consequently how scary it can be. Of course after the first run that's why you ski to go fast and do exciting things!

Taxes!

2008-02-17T23:33:00.002-06:00

How can you charge me $29 to file Illinois? Why should it cost me money to file taxes? I don't know how to make a grumpy emoticon, but I would. harrumph!

I've had quite a busy week! I had two auditions that were the near miss type that all singers try to avoid. It wasn't the singing that was a problem but communication and transportation.

Tuesday I was in the midst of A: doing my taxes, and B: trying to figure out how to politely word an e-mail to a group that I had applied to audition for. This e-mail was going to somehow say, you should give me an audition, and if you don't I'm going to come and sing for you anyway.

However I then received a phone call asking me where I was because I was supposed to be auditioning for this very group at that moment...did you receive our e-mail? Why no I didn't but I will come as soon as, well I take a shower! So went down town and sang Una Donna and If I Loved you (in a really stupid key). It went quite well! He complimented my Italian and then told me that I gave the smartest performance of If I Loved you that he had ever seen. So that was fabulous. He then chatted with me for quite a while about the research that I'm doing for CIAO.

I haven't heard back from them. Which isn't really concerning considering that it hasn't been that long, but I'm worried that they have my e-mail wrong some how and the same problem that arose with the audition will again surface.

The second audition was down at the University. The first anxious thing about it is that I had to completely learn and memorize the andante movement of Mozart's Exultate Jubilate for this audition in a week. The second problem was the traffic. I left with plenty of extra time to get down there, but I did not remember that the car show was this weekend. So. It took me a half an hour to get from Balbo to the McCormic center. Needless to say I arrived late for my audition. That's really not something that I want to do, ever. Even though this wasn't an audition that was something that I was banking on. They should give it to a student, which I am no longer. The audition was fine, except for that pianist made the cut we had agreed on a phrase early cutting out my cadenza.

No big deal really. I just was really confused for a brief moment, because I thought for sure that I had somehow blithely missed a whole phrase of music. No matter I continued on to the Alleluia which I sing with gusto!

Now a week of vacation before I return to more auditions!

Walking Through a Cloud

2008-02-05T20:49:00.000-06:00

If we suspend our disbelief for just a moment, and forget the physical impossibilities of walking on a cloud, it still does not appear to be a very pleasant experience. I'm fairly certain that I have no interest in walking on a cloud, as I imagine the experience would be rife with windy dangers, not to mention cold and clammy.

I bring this up merely because yesterday was a day that we lived in a cloud. The miraculous four inches of snow that appeared during the super bowl disappeared in a cool haze of drizzle. The air was so thick that you felt the particles enter your nose and begrudgingly make their way down to your lungs, where they settled.

Mia said that it was the sort of day that you see in the movies. Everything was dramatic and mysterious due to the weather. It was, it certainly was not the tormented sky that Duff loves, but it was not without its own allure. The sky was very hidden or very close, depending just how you're interested in defining "sky".

Weather is one of those things that we not only can not control, but we still can only somewhat predict. It is frustratingly more like an art than a science. I think I like it that way; defying our attempts to control it. We have made these attempts as counter-intuitive as it may seem. Ski resorts have machines that expel dust into clouds to promote the formation of snow flakes, but ultimately nature can not be contro0led or contained in this way.

None of nature can be contained for long. I read a very interesting book over the summer: The World Without Us by Alan Weisman. It described step by step and piece by piece what would happen to the earth if humans simply and suddenly disappeared. Nature has this incredible and persistent way of erasing the things that we do to it.

This of course should be in no way taken as a promotion of us doing whatever the heck we want to the earth. The earth will fix itself, but only in the presence of much time and the absence of humans.

Two interesting facts that I will share with you from this book, though there are many and it's an easy read so I recommend it.
One: one of the most harmful things that we are putting in the environment right now are tiny plastic pellets that are the base of plastics. They are what are melted down and formed into things, but first they are tiny pellets. They are too small to be filtered out of water but too big to get out of fishies systems. They are mixed in with the sand on beaches as well as in animals bellies.
Two: There is a giant gyre in the Pacific ocean where all of the currents converge (the North Pacific Gyre to be precise). There you can find miles and miles of ocean that our trash floats to and stays. Miles and miles of trash all on the surface and presumably under the surface of the Pacific ocean. What a sight that must be to see.

West Randolf

2008-02-01T18:14:00.000-06:00

So it was a tremendously snowy week! I'm pretty pleased about this. Though I got stir crazy this afternoon (I think I'm pretty much done with the song review stuff that I've been doing for work! this means I get to start editing music, which I think will be a nice change of pace).

I went off to return a woefully overdue blockbuster movie buy bus passes and walk around in the snow. I decided to take a closer look at all that's going on on Randolf in the West Loop. The answer....everything?

It looks like one of those places where I could purchase just about anything that I could think of. There are a lot of whole sale food places meat, veggies, lots of pre-made stuff. There are whole sale paint places, little Mexican places, a pizza place, a schmancy French place, a hookah bar, what I think is a strip club though it could be simply a erotic store, Harpo studios are there too, umm and lots of other things. Anyhow it's a place to be explored further, I think that there are cool things to try there.

you should check out my friend J's music. He played Tony in West Side Story when I played Maria. I was 16 and he was 21. I was totally totally enamored with him. He was pretty cool, we were friends and AND I got to kiss him! Which was pretty cool. They weren't good kisses or anything, we were on stage, but still.

Anyhow it should be a good weekend, though it is unclear to me who to root for in the Super bowl. Mom's rooting for the Giants 'cause they were grandpa's team, I think Dad might be rooting for the Patriots to stick it to the Dolphins. I dunno, I guess we should just hope for good football right?

Pancakes!

2008-01-31T22:00:00.000-06:00

Did you know that Fat Tuesday or Mardi Gras is also pancake day?
This is not too too surprising as pancakes are a delicious and efficient way to get rid of all of those verboten ingredients for lent.
Anyhow I believe we all know my feelings towards pancakes. Which is to say that I love them, think that the ones that I make are the best, and that if I tell you otherwise I'm probably being really really polite. Though I did have a camper introduce me to some other ways of making them that are really good.
Anyhow I thought as a tribute those of you who do not keep track of you tube would enjoy this clip!

They are admittedly not pancakes but crepes that he makes, but I love crepes too. And stop motion animation is pretty much amazing!

On dealing with disappointment and insecurity

2008-01-25T12:38:00.000-06:00

In this profession that I am seeking to pursue and therefore the lifestyle that I must lead I deal with a lot of disappointment. You are rejected from competitions and auditions and are turned down for roles much more than you are accepted. The way that you may get accepted next time is to listen to someone tear apart your performance and tell you how to improve it (if they’re nice) or why it was just not good enough (if they’re not so nice).

It’s not merely the authority that tells you their opinion but everyone who learns that you are a singer. Everyone has advice for a musician, because well they like music and they know someone who knows someone who’s doing very well for herself and singing at the Hilton.

Needless to say I receive some very questionable advice, and some very good advice. The good advice comes in two varieties: 1. The same thing that everyone tells you, which is right but you’ve already heard it about 20 times, 2. The rare glimpse of something new, and worthwhile. However that happens so rarely that it is really a gem to be grasped.

But back to disappointment and criticism. To succeed you have to just decide that the disappointment and sometimes mean comments are just not going to affect you. You have to be incredibly confident walking into a room, know your music, know your history, and know that you are the best at it, all while being modest and kind to everyone and not acting like a total prick. But you still have to be confident, you never get anything if you don’t think that you will. That on top of the fact that the situation that you’re walking into is by all accounts very nerve wracking.

So you build yourself a little emotional fortress where you are untouchable. I am for the most part rarely nervous about auditions and performances because of this and can take all sorts of criticism with out any reaction other than, “that’s interesting” or “thank you”.

As a result (tangentially perhaps) I am incredibly insecure about some things that just don’t make any sense from the outside. Karaoke being the most ironic I think…Emblies you sing for your supper all the time, and you can’t belt into a microphone for drunk people? Well not really I’ve never tried. I’m also insecure about dancing (unless I’m with a certain group of people).

In my personal life people tell me that I am one of the most secure people that they know in my own skin. I have always been told this, in fact that’s the universal thing that people said to me upon my leaving high school, and it does not seem that this has changed. However I find that the security is easier to project than actually feel. There are many things that I’m insecure about in life, and you know there are two choices and a right time for both actually. Sometimes you have to leave the thing that is making you insecure and not make it part of your life. And other times you have to expose yourself to that insecurity and learn how to not be insecure about it. Do you have things that you just have to remove from your life because of the negative impact they have? And what have you triumphantly faced that makes you feel like you are now 12 feet tall now that you can deal with it?

that college feeling

2008-01-17T16:55:00.000-06:00

So I was walking across campus today after a morning of arduous photocopying (see my life is not so glamorous as I make it out to be when I describe my job) I was sleep deprived, emotionally drained, hungry and my brain was working on what I would call a low gray whir.

And I suddenly had a realization: this is what I felt like in college...most of the time. And I had the sick realization that it was through this haze of being drained that I was most able to be productive and that in fact I was thinking of how to plan the rest of my day. I realized that I could write a paper just then if I really needed.

How ridiculous is that? I have trained my mind and body such that when I am at my most drained I can be the most productive. The question is it coping or something that I learned otherwise?

Not with a Bang but a Whimper

2008-01-15T23:18:00.000-06:00

I just returned from seeing the Lyric Opera's production of Doctor Atomic. The work ended in silence. Utter silence as the audience held its breath, wondering is it over? should I applaud? That lasted almost 15 seconds....really! That is a tremendously long time for there to be silence after a show. I love that. I actually often wish that I had a moment to enjoy the silence after the music before the audience goes leaping head long into applause, perhaps I am not ready for applause. I think that there is a lot to be said for allowing things to sink in so that you can really appreciate them.

But this is a pet peeve of mine, excessive applauding and even more irksome, excessive standing. Really I think that standing should be reserved for those moments where you just can not imagine a better performance.

Now the moment was clearly crafted just so this silence would occur, and it worked. There was a roar and then small strings then the stage slowly faded to black, and then it was the audience, I know I was willing everyone to hold off clapping as long as they could. It was great, from where I sat there was not awkward movement or giggling, just pure silence, almost as in expectation!

I enjoyed the opera in full as well, I found it to be really engaging musically the whole way through, but I have a soft spot for so-called post minimalism. Personally I didn't like that Oppenheimer's wife was a character in the opera. It's not that she was a bad role just a little heavy handed in the "humanizing" theme for my taste. Plus I had the feeling like she was there merely to fill the leading lady role that is of up most importance in opera. I actually would have been more interested to see this opera with an all male cast...meaning all male protagonists, I think that would be quite interesting.

some amusement

2008-01-14T12:27:00.000-06:00

I know I fail at being a blogger of any entertainment, and I have now been shamed after being told that damn it Emily I went to the effort to put your sight on google reader...and I have nothing to read...so I actually have a few real posts in draft but for now...two things that I watch when I wish to be amused!

one History through string quartet!

also this is one of my favorite pieces! I love how they did this...so cool! I mean certainly it looses something because the piece is all about the timbrel changes from horn to strings to wind etc. Supposedly Ravel at this point really didn't hear melody very well and therefore was more interested in exploring the different timbres of the orchestra. This is clearly not achieved in this rendition, but I think a certain level of awesome makes up for it!

Christmas flight

2007-12-26T14:11:00.000-06:00

So just briefly:
I flew to my parent's yesterday afternoon after a full Christmas eve of many services in Chicago. My luggage was lost for the first time, but they got it to me early this morning, so it's ok.
Don't worry I spent Christmas morning with lovely people.
But the reason why I'm writing.
the guy across the aisle was chewing tobacco...it was appalling. It was appalling because I noticed right at the end of the flight when I noted that he had a water bottle with about two inches of really gross brown spit. guh! ::shudder::
I mean it's not like smoking in public places, I don't necessarily have a problem with it, it was just a gross discovery.
Anyhow Sarah's visiting...so laters

"vacillate beautiful gazelle"

2007-12-19T17:20:00.000-06:00

I would just like to point out that someone googled that phrase "vacillate beautiful gazelle" and my blog was the first hit....yep it was because I used all three of those words in this post (which some how linked on "words" instead of "this", what was I thinking?!). That's just bazaar really.

I know this because I have a little site meter thingy that I keep purely to amuse myself in situations just like this. Because really who would guess that my blog would be found by that.

Usually I get hits from people looking up information on operas that I have written about. Let's just look at some recent searches that got my blog:

"Foucault and Durkheim"---hooray U of C nerdiness!
"harry potter 7 rape szene"----ummm I'm uncomfortable I got a hit for that
"dostoevsky christ truth outside"----from when I was talking about the Idiot I presume
"song ownership"---I actually do get a lot of hits regarding ownership of music and stuff because I wrote a few posts about that when things were getting sticky with Internet radio...
"I cried a tear song"----I cried a laser tear, perhaps I should make that a song!
"stoacism"----yep I get hits because I can't spell
"boxing for wiii"---is awesome!
"losing focus band songs"--- music for the myopic!
"assundry"--- really I think that applies to everything
"boil warped cello bridge"--- I still haven't tried it, seems risky
"someone sings song on internet and someone goes boo"--- ummm no really someone googled that and my blog was like the second hit...wtf?
"songs about cyclic change" --- well that's an obvious hit, though I think the topic might be a little cliche
"dominance of piano in classical music"
"musicians unprofessional behavior"--- not me I'm the epitome of professionalism!
"Syphilis is Back" --- yes, yes it is, please don't get it, though you may go enjoy a McRib.

So those are just some of the recent hits that I have gotten for teh mega blogz. I did not include the analysis of "x" opera or review of "y" opera ones.

hopefully the season and the new year will see more posting...maybe I'll make it a goal to post every 2 days or something for the New Year...though that seems like it might be a hefty commitment...I'll have to think about it.

angst and a poem

2007-11-26T22:36:00.000-06:00

really the title sums it up, I feel that writing poetry is probably the culmination of teenage angst. I will admit that I did it, more as a younger child though.
I was reading through a journal that I kept from fifth grade through the end of high school, now don't get me wrong I was never a prolific writer, in fact only 28 of the pages have been written on...that's for eight years. I wrote in only to spew angst apparently, because I read it and am ashamed of my past self. However I know for a fact that I was not that angsty of a kid ever, so I must have just written about it in the limited occasions that it was prevalent.
Anyhow I bring this up because I was going to throw it away so that I would not have the shame of anyone ever reading it and making judgements about me as a result, but I really can't bring myself to, as there are gems such as these:

12-97
Pain, that turns sleep into vexation,
creeping towards us during relaxation.
What would cause you so much pain?
The orthodontist has been at it again.
Poking, prodding, tightening wires,
in and out with little pliers.
I will toss and turn with my night brace;
so soon my teeth are in the very right place.

not angsty at all! actually sort of clever.
Anyhow Duff thought that I ought to share this with you all (he got to hear some of the terrible stuff too, sorry kiddo!)